Rain

June 7, 2009

***Trigger Warning** A/N - There is mention of rape in the finals chapters. 

The sun was just coming up over the horizon, my clock said it was 5:30 AM. The smell of coffee wafted through the house, my mother must be already up. It was rare for me to up this early but the reading yesterday has me excited for another day in Liz's life. Unfortunately it was going to have to wait until after my classes. If I skipped another day of class my mother would have a cow. Trust me it's as unpleasant as it sounds. The day felt like it dragged on, by noon I was home and back in Liz's room with a pillow and some water.

June 7, 2007- Most of my day today was spent with my mother. We went out for coffee in the morning and talked about my mall trip with Jade, I left out the being asked out part. I didn't want to play one thousand questions with my mother. After coffee we went shopping for a little bit, we never buy anything just window shop. We did that until lunch came and went to one of my favorite little Bistro's on the corner of Oak Street just a few blocks from my house. Trying to convince my mother that we needed to return home because I had dinner with friends was like pulling teeth. She wanted details, details I wasn't ready to share with her. I could have lied, but I didn't have it in me to lie to my mother. She eventually let it go and we returned home.

On the way back to the house she insisted that I at least give her a name. As reluctant as I was to lie it was the only choice I had. I told her I was going to dinner with my friend James, a nerdy black haired kid from high school that I hadn't seen in years. We were pretty much inseparable in high school, we lost each other in college. He got a girlfriend and stayed here for college, I moved away and we drifted apart. Talking about him made me miss him, I'll have to call him someday soon. My mother believed me, thankfully and for some reason it only made me feel worse. Not long after the lie we pulled into the driveway, my mother gave me a hug and told me to be back soon. It never failed that she forgets that I'm an adult.

The clock in the car said 5:00 PM, that gave me plenty of time to request my sister help in my dressing dilemma. I hurried inside leaving my mother to wonder what I was up to in silence. Jade was lazily sitting in the chair her eyes glued to her phone. "Jade?" I asked quietly, knowing I had to approach the situation with extreme caution. Her eyes snapped to me with a narrow glare as if I was interrupting something extremely life changing. We stood in silence for a few moments until she gave me the "What do you want?" look.  I asked her if she was willing to assist me in getting ready for my date with Chaz. Her response was pretty much what I expected from a teenage girl with a lame sister "Just wear something sexy." She mumbled before returning her focus back to her phone. Had she seen me? Sexy isn't exactly something I'm well versed in.

After standing there awkwardly for five minutes staring at her she sighed heavily and dragged me up to her room. After about an hour of trying on clothes she had finally found a skimpy black dress that she deemed appropriate first date clothing. She told me the aim was to make him me more than anyone else in the room, make him see only me. Just the thought of Chaz staring at me in this body hugging low cut dress was causing me to blush.  Thankfully Jade was preoccupied with something on her phone and didn't notice the blushing.  My heart skipped when I heard a knock on the door, my mother was locked in her room, music blaring while she painted. Jade stared at me for a moment before rolling her eyes "Go answer the door." She deadpanned as she pushed me out of her room.

The walk to the door felt like I was on death row and was about to meet the executioner. I don't think it's supposed to feel like that.  I opened the door to find Chaz, bright and smiling, and absolutely gorgeous. It was like I was going on a date with a movie star, I was still shocked that he even asked me. With a smile he asked me if I was ready to go and stupid me, all I said was "Yeah, sure." He's going to start thinking those are the only words in the English language that I can say. The dinner was fantastic Chaz had chosen the most wonderful Italian restaurant about thirty minutes away. We sat and talked about high school, laughed about some of the people in our school that got fat, talked about how sorry he was for the mean things he said and did in school. You know what I believe him....I shouldn't have believed him.

I wish the night would have ended there, I wish I could have just teleport home from the dinner. Unfortunately that wasn't what happened. This is even harder to write down than I thought it would be. I've erased and erased, but I can't get it to go away so here goes. I will tell the only person I can trust, myself. Future self, I wasn't you to remember this day only so you realize that not all people are good and kind. We left the restaurant around 9:30 PM, he was talking about taking me to this special spot outside of this town we were in. He told me it was one of the few spots in the area that you could see the stars. I, of course agreed and I wish I hadn't. We got there and for the first five minutes he was showing me different constellations as we sat atop a grassy hill miles from anyone. Things quickly went sour when he grabbed my breasts and I demanded he take me home.

That however, didn't happen... he snapped like some kind of crazed animal. The crazed look he was giving me could only be described as hungry, determined and angry. He was the wolf and I his prey, he wasn't going to let me slip away so easily. His hands grasped my shoulders tightly causing me to wince in pain as he forced his body on top of mine. I screamed and screamed begging him not to do this as hot tears streamed down my face. He didn't listen, he laughed and ripped my dress in half with his hands leaving me exposed. His crazed eyes scanned my body making my skin crawl, I tried to cover up but he forced my hands to the side. He told me if I moved again he'd kill me right here and now, so I listened and went limp.

The feeling of his hands running slowly across my body made me feel dirty, his touch still lingers as I write this and I just want to tear my skin off. He forcefully turned me over and made me get to my knees as he forced himself upon me, pain was all I felt. I tried to drown out his moans and groans with a song in my head, hoping for it all to end soon. When it finally did, he took me home and told me that if I told anyone he'd make my life hell. Hell, at this point, would be a welcomed place. I've showered three times since I've been home, nothing washes away the feeling of his hands all over me, nothing drowns out his voice asking me over and over if I liked it, nothing will ever make me forget the night Chaz Forman raped me. *Entry End*

The tear soaked page of the diary was hard in places where my sister's tears fell. I couldn't pull myself from the last few paragraphs, the horror that she had to endure is unimaginable. My tears now rest alongside hers. I felt stunned, angry, and sad, her writing at the end was barely legible. "Liz why didn't you tell anyone?" I whispered, hugging the book tightly to my chest. I felt horrible, I was never there for her when she needed me. My soft cry turned into a sob as I slid the book back under the mattress and went to my room. All I could do is cry, knowing that my sister had to go through this alone, I hugged my pillow tightly as if it was Liz. I don't remember falling asleep that night, but I will always remember those painful words hidden from the world.