namjoon watches you from his seat. he didn't speak, but watches. occasionally shifting his gaze to examine the diner.
your lips twitch as you pull out a chair, sitting across from him. your eyes were soft, almost smiling."they're not here, so you should stop looking, they're not characters in a story that pop up whenever I summon them."
he didn't respond, squinting his eyes but trying to hide that he was trying to figure you out, figuring out why you called him out of the dreariness of his quiet house.
house...not home, he didn't have one of those anymore, not since you both separated, not since he lost the one who filled his life with unexpected pleasures and attacked him daily with a fit of hugs to warm his heart.
he didn't have a home anymore, he didn't have a place to be at peace. namjoon was always uneasy, always angry and heart toiling, reminding him of all the things that he'd done, but was unable to reverse.
it was constant pain and agony.
so he looked as you sat across from him, questioning the softness of your eyes, though he was more amused with himself for actually showing up. "why did you ask to meet me here?"
you smile at the question, leaning down to grab the box you had brought, setting it into the middle of the table and pulling open it's latch.
namjoon knew that box, you never let him go into it, he figured it was something pretty important, maybe a family heirloom.
you pulled out a small square paper, shaking it so that it made a funny swooshing sound. eventually you laid it in front of namjoon, letting his eyes adjust to the image within the paper.
"it was the first time that I said I love you...we were getting our picture taken at the park,"
you glance down at the image, it was a much younger you, a much younger namjoon–a little less fighting, a lot more smiles.
in the photograph you were covering your mouth with one hand and pointing at namjoon with the other.
your cheeks raised while he looked to you with wide eyes and wavy hair, his mouth had dropped in shock and he was pointing at himself with a confused gesture.
just by looking at the snapshot, you could see the gloss of his cheeks when he blushed and remembered his stuttered request for you to repeat yourself.
"you were in such shock, you flinched and looked at me right when they snapped the picture."
your fingers trace the flimsy photograph, following the shape of namjoon's shocked half smile that was captured in it's film.
"I forgot about chanyeol, and I was ready to move on from the past because of you."
"why are you saying this now?"
"because I thought it would make a good goodbye gift. I got this huge promotion, I might be going over seas and I thought it was a good way to finally clean things up between the two of us, no boyfriends or distractions."
"If you're trying to rub your business in my face then your wasting your ti—"
"I wanted to say, thank you."
he paused, body language stiff and untrusting. "for?"
"for everything. you helped me move on again in your own...unique way," you pause as a server hands you both a appetizer platter. you always felt that it was curtesy to feed the person that you call up.
"we're not meant to be together, I know that. it was a season in our lives, a transition. without you I wouldn't have gotten to be as close with my best friend as I am now, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now—and I definitely wouldn't be getting these opportunities if it weren't for you."
you pause, biting your lip as you try to figure out the wording, not knowing if you wanted to look up at namjoon or the table.
"please don't think that I'm being cocky or wanting you to feel regret for what happened, you have just as much right to happiness as I do, and if it's not with me than I have to respect that."
you nod without a word, fiddling with the edge of the napkin cloth, oblivious to namjoon's eyes, oblivious to the way he anxiously balled up his napkin in his hand.
"I think this is good for us, we get a breath of fresh air from each other—a chance to really understand what we want in life and maybe if we're lucky then we'll find other means of happiness."
"and that's why I'm thanking you," you tap on the picture, holding your breath as you engrave the image into your mind so you'd never forget it.
"thank you for teaching me about the power of new beginnings, I'm ready to close this book now namjoon, our plotline is finally coming to an end—and a new one will begin."
you stood, holding your purse at your side to keep it from swinging as you lower your waist in a small bow, the corner of your lips pulling up as you turn around. "take care."
namjoon watches as you walk away, rubbing his thumb over the cold ring in his hand, eyes softening and he quickly closes them, sinking his teeth into his fist and trying to ignore the tears that fell down his face.
closure hurt so much more than anything he could ever have done.
why could you hurt him so much more with a smile and forgiveness than any amount of torture he passed to you.
he knew he was wrong, ofcourse even a blind man could tell him that, but he didn't know how to admit it.
he didn't know how to apologize or be wrong. he was supposed to be perfect. that's what he was hired to be, that's what he's always been.
but losing you, was the first and biggest mistake he will ever make.
his lip trembles and he squints his eyes, shaking his head and trying to hide the tears that were starting to swell, squeezing his hands until they turned red. eyes falling to the picture in front of him.
he is perfect. no. he was.
finally acknowledging the salt dripping onto the corner of his mouth, he tosses his fork, the clank echoing and causing a sudden quiet from alarmed customers.
and so he sat and become drunk on his tears and memories of you.
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