Sweet Sin | camren

no point of return

A/N: hey lovelies!!! i've cooked up another chapter for you

i'm back in school on monday (murder me pls i'll send you my address) so idk if i'll have time to write as much :/ but i will do my absolute best. I want to finish this story before the new year, hopefully.

anyway, enjoy!

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The staircase to heaven isn't what Camila anticipated.

It wasn't the spiritual rebirth she hoped it would be. It's been one week since she cut her ties with her sinful temptress, Lauren, and yet she still feels woefully disconnected from God.

In fact, it isn't only God she feels disconnected from, but her life as well. It isn't something she can explain in simple words, the only way she can get close to a description is that she sees everything through a glass; foggy, distorted, far away.

She goes through the motions of her life mechanically, as if in a daze. She wakes up, goes to school, attend her bible studies and her church duties, plays the part of the perfect Christian daughter with a pretty, polite smile and perfectly empty eyes.

She's auto-piloting through her days, and she isn't the one at the control panel—her parents are. She supposes they've been the ones in control her whole life and she has always accepted it, believing that was the way to life if you wanted to please the Heavenly Father. But now that she's had a taste of having just the slightest control of her own life and decisions, it's hard to go back to the way it was before.

Her friends notice. Ally is unsuspecting and believes the lie Camila feeds her that she's stressed about the upcoming exams. Dinah isn't so easily deceived now that she knows what she does and she watches Camila with a frown, doubtlessly noticing the subconscious, stolen glances Camila throws Lauren's way.

Lauren who not only seem to have moved on swiftly from Camila, but still looks more magnetic than ever despite it. Camila can't ignore the Lauren-sized hole in her life no matter how hard she tries, even though the girl has been part of it for barely a month.

The reluctant longing she feels for Lauren is something akin to withdrawals. After all, it doesn't take more than a few tries of a powerful drug to get hooked.

And indeed Lauren is a drug—all-consuming and destructive. She is the nicotine, heroine and morphine her parents warned her about, but it is too late because Camila already had a taste—several tastes—and she desperately craved that rush, that sensation that lit her skin on fire whenever she was with Lauren.

Camila can't deny that Lauren added spice to her life, and without her, Camila has gone back to a world that's a little fuzzier around the edges and a lot less colorful.

But she's foolish since she must be the only one feeling that way. If she wasn't, surely Lauren wouldn't have already moved on. She catches a glimpse of her in the hallway with a tall brunette girl who's got her hands on Lauren's leather jacket as she flirtishly throws her glossy hair this way and that way.

Camila feels sick and stupid and she can read the look on Dinah's face.

I told you so.

She knows she has no reason to feel hurt and jealous, because what she had with Lauren was undefined and superficial and of course Lauren would throw her away for the next pretty thing. Still, it makes her upset enough to be unable to concentrate for the rest of her classes.