Attached // Ruby Rose // GXG

20.

How is it possible to be physically present inside your body but to have your mind wandering somewhere else? Wandering into the painful memories and emotions you try to keep hidden from within. I never knew it was possible but here I sit, eyes staring into the distance with complete emptiness. I could sense the movement of the wind against my bare skin. I decided on staying home from work the entire week because I couldn't concentrate. My mind was racing with random thoughts but I kept myself occupied with ignoring phone calls and taking care of my dog. Although it wasn't the best to do with the state I was in, I called Kelsey and told her I would be driving out to her home for the weekend.

After shoving the last remaining clean clothes into a random duffle bag in the span of 30 seconds, I found myself driving out to Kelsey's. I knew I had to suppress any emotions during my time there but I hoped to at least relax a bit beside the lake.

"Erin! Lucas!! Come down, she's here!" I giggled and hugged my overly excited cousin. I suddenly heard footsteps approaching and in came Lucas with baby Nancy in hand. "Ewin!" I laughed and kissed the little girl on the forehead and proceeded to hug Lucas "hello". "Long time no see, how are you?" I explained to him that my job practically kept me busy and so I couldn't really go out as much. "Well, I would love to stay and chat but I should probably start the grill up so we could eat soon! You're not a vegan or anything like that, right?" I shook my head and hugged him once mode before following Kelsey to the enormous living room. "I am so excited you're here! You're going to love the view, it's absolutely gorgeous and there's even this sort of party going on tomorrow night that I thought we could attend? I even hired a sitter for Nancy. Only if you want to go, of course."

After catching up for an hour and a half Lucas called out to us that the food was ready and the table outside was set up. Kelsey went to wake Nancy from her nap and so I took the plates outside.

"I am really glad you're here, Erin. It feels like an eternity since I saw you last." I looked up and saw Lucas grinning at me from the grill. I shyly smiled back and sat down. "It's only been a year", I joked, "I guess I'm just that charming." Kelsey finally walked out with a sleepy Nancy who was cuddling with a blanket. "Alright ladies, prepare to eat the most amazing steak ever!"

We finished our dinner, I helped cleaning up by washing the dishes and even put Nancy to sleep by reading her a bedtime story. Lucas was up in his study preparing for lecture he was giving at the university he occasionally taught at and so that left Kelsey and I to watch some TV and drink some wine before heading off into bed. "I know we've been literally 'catching up' this entire time but I've noticed something, cousin." I looked up at her confused. "You have?" She nodded and took a sip of her wine. "Something's on your mind and it's bothering you dearly. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, it's completely fine but just know I am an excellent listener, I get paid to listen to others and their problems." I took a deep breath and contemplated whether or not to mention Ruby. I hadn't said her name out loud in a couple of days and although I should be fine or at least a bit better by now I felt as if I would burst out in tears. I turned to Kelsey and frowned. "Alright, you're right. I am actually going through something right now. To make your life and mine easier I'll give you the quick rerun of the situation. Basically I met one of the most complicated people on this planet. She's mysterious one day, kept to herself and really rude but then the next she's sweet and totally lovable and charming. I practically fell for her despite her telling me not and I'm not lying when I say she told me not to. She said she would hurt me and bam! She did, what a shock! Dumb little me simply didn't understand or listen and so after I fell for her, fell for her hard, she ghosts me and I catch her with another woman. I just feel real dumb and used but I could only blame myself, really if I'm going to be honest." While I ranted I hadn't noticed Kelsey turned off the TV and was now facing me completely from her seat. "Oh sweetie, you were simply naive and hopeful. This usually happens in these sort of situations- one person is the 'distant one' who also displays dipolar traits while the other wants to almost 'open' the other and get to know them. Although it may seem hard at first, because the distant one will put up a fight, it's not impossible. Patience is key in this conflict. It's up to you if you're willing to wait for them but just know it could get complicated." I nodded and got up to hug her. "You are so wise, thank you." She laughed and hugged me back. "I really hope you resolve this and find happiness. I am literally one room away for any advice you need, do not hesitate to ask!"

As I laid in bed I thought about the great advice Kelsey had given me and how she explained the situation very well. I understood now that all along I had wanted to open up Ruby and get to know the sweet girl I knew was in her but it was hard because she tried to keep me away at first but it was odd to me that once she finally did I catch her with another girl. Was it possibly because she wanted to keep me away again or simply because I had romanticized the idea of something going on between the two of us? My distorted thoughts kept me up for another half hour but then I finally fell into a deep sleep.