Tim Riggins

Chapter 14

"Dear Exyadeth,

I've never been one to write letters, the longest thing I've ever written down on paper could possibly have been my own name. Now that I think about it that's probably something I shouldn't be proud of, but I hope it was a good ice-breaker. I didn't know how else to say everything I've been wanting to tell you, not just since the night everything went down, but before when things for the first time, in my life at least, started to make sense.

Why a letter you might ask? Well you gave me the idea when I asked you about one of the many books you were reading. Those PS. I Still Love You books, what is it you called them again, a trilogy? Well anyways I remember you telling me how the protagonist had written all these letters to boys she'd loved. The letters were mailed out years later and one of the boys actually ended up falling in love with her. I remember you telling me how in one of the books, I don't know which one, the boy writes her a letter telling her everything he couldn't really say in person. So, that is exactly what I'm trying to do here, thanks to Jenny Han for the inspiration. Yes, I looked up the authors name, I gotta give her credit.

I know the first time we met I wasn't the kindest of persons, I probably wasn't even nice any of the times we encountered each other up until this year. I'm an asshole. I've always been the one person everyone came to for just about anything. Not to brag or anything but I had it all, at least, that's what I made it look like. I continued to be the way I was because that's the way people had first liked me and I felt they would stop if I wasn't that person. You see we were very young when we lost our parents in an accident and my brother had to step into the role of a guardian at a very young age. A child was now in charge of another child. No matter how hard my brother tried to get me to be a "good" kid, I rebelled. Not because I hatted him, but because I sorta hatted myself. I took whatever was left of my brother's childhood away. After that accident my brother dropped out of school to take care of me. While his friends were picking out outfits for prom and graduation, my brother was working double shifts at the plantation just so that I would have food on the table. He never once complained. He has given it all for me, and here I am fucking it up.

Or I least I was until I met you, really met you. I have this hard-outer shell that I built around myself throughout the years, but you, you broke into it. How? I think you were able to find a way in because you yourself have a hard wall up around not only yourself but around your beautiful family and friends. You would do anything for them, and you do. That is how I feel about my brother, he's always been the only family I've ever had. My brother has been the only person I've ever loved for so many years, until now.

I hurt you, I know. I was so upset, and heartbroken that you didn't make it out to a pretty important game for me. A game that for so many years I thought defined who I was. That hurt turned into anger when I deiced to do what I do to forget, drink. I wanted to make you hurt for leaving me after I've let you in, I was so childish, I know. I knew I could hurt you by proving to you that I was the man you thought I was. The drunk and careless ladies' man. I didn't sleep with her Exy, even though it sure looked like it. I was planning to, I really was but once she was in my room, on the bed I shared with you not so long ago, I couldn't do it. She wasn't you, she wasn't what I wanted. She wasn't what I needed.

She ended up falling asleep in my room while I slept in my brothers, I woke up that morning before she did and got into the shower, which is when you showed up. I was so angry when I laid eyes on you, that I decided to make sure you believed I had betrayed you. All of the evidence was there, perfectly laid out in front of you. We may not have been anything official, in terms of social media, but between me and you, we knew we were. So, I knew you would hurt, I knew this would drive you away maybe even forever. I did this because I was not only mad at you, but at myself for letting you get to me, for allowing myself to fall in love with you Exyadeth. I fell in love, and I continue to feel that towards you. I know no amount of words could ever fix what I did so shamelessly to you, but from the bottom of my heart I am sorry and hope that one day you could forgive me.

Those characters in your books took years to write down how they felt about one another and how the others made them feel, I don't want years to go buy without you knowing how you've helped me see myself for who I am and who I could be. You've taught me that love is out there, and it is possible. You've taught me that I am more that just a player on the field, that I have people who do care about me, that I can create a brighter future for myself and my family. Most importantly you've taught me that we are living on the same earth, we all go through hard times at some points in our lives and it is us who deiced if we are going to let it knock us down forever and define who we are. Or if we are going to stand back up and use the experience as food for our personal growth.

So, thank you Exy for the time you gave to me. If we never cross paths again, at least you know that even if it was for a short time, you helped paved one of the most beautiful roads I was able to travel on.

Love,

#33

Tim Riggins"

Exy wipes a tear that has escaped from her cheek as the announcer screams "Panthers Win!! We are going to State!"

She looked at herself through her phones screen and quickly ran to the snack bar.  Ordered what she needed and headed back to her car.

"Where is it, where is it" She said out loud as she looked through her dads glove-box until she first found a pen then a sharpie. "Yes!" She exclaimed. 

She jotted down some words on what she had bought and headed towards Tim's truck. She had to dodge some people on the way, but as soon as the coast was clear she opened Tim's door, which she new would be unlocked, Tim had a bad habit of leaving doors unlocked. She put the candy bag on the dashboard and ran back to her car. She contemplated whether or not she should stay until he walked out of the locker rooms, but decided against it. But as the parking lot cleared and she was finally able to back out of her parking spot she saw the door open of building and Tim walk out smiling as some of his buddies hoot and hollared with excitement. 

She put her blinker on and headed back home after smiling and uttering the words "Tim Riggins".