EXO Fluffs

Nothing (Kai)

Your clock read 3:30 A.M., the numbers almost mocking of the fact that the one person you wanted to see, clearly didn't have time for you. He had texted you at 1 A.M. letting you know he would be home soon and that you'd have your nightly Skype session until one of you fell asleep, but he seemed to have forgotten you again, leaving you absolutely helpless late into the night. It wasn't until 4 when he texted you, "still down to Skype?" How could you deny yourself just a couple hours with the one boy you absolutely loved spending time with regardless of the hour? It started off just like any other call... Sharing about one another's day, but 20 minutes in, he gets a phone call, "Hey, I need to mute myself, it's a pretty personal conversation with a friend." You'd be lying if pain and hurt didn't flash across your face as you looked at him take the phone call without a second glance but you quietly nodded and curled into yourself as you played on your phone.

This continued on for almost an hour and half, you couldn't help yourself from tearing up as the call drifted off into nothingness, you had stayed up for no reason, you were an absolute fool. You were always the one waiting around for him, begging for just a fraction of his time, it wasn't long before he texted you separately...

                     you tired? 

                             no.

                     sorry this is taking so long...

 

                            I might just go, this seems it might take some time 

                      that might be for the best..

                               okay.

Were you annoyed? Were you frustrated? Were you hurt? Absolutely, he didn't even care to do much more and simply let you leave without a wave of the hand as you ended the call and faced a black screen. Without even realizing you felt tears stream down your face, you dumbass why are you sticking around for this... you absolute fool. You felt silly for hoping that Kai would have time for you, he was an international superstar with so many other burdens and responsibilities to be concerned with. You meant absolutely nothing to him in the grand scheme of things, and you could feel your subconscious start to play with this idea. You had promised yourself this time that you wouldn't give all of your heart, you refused to give any boy that much power over you, allow him to dictate your emotions but here it is, once again. Where you give yourself all to him while he merely reciprocates a quarter. It brought up every occasion where you waited around for him just to be once again tossed to the side because you were so readily available, but you feared that if you weren't consistently there, he would want to walk away entirely from your relationship. You couldn't have that, not when you had... so much together. Even when the two of you weren't together you could almost feel his towering presence, enveloping you in a soft hug everywhere you went, reassuring you of his love. But there were moments like these where skepticism creeped in, it pointed out every flaw in your relationship and threatened your sanity as you screamed into your pillow and pounded your bed with all four limbs frustrated. He knew you clearly hadn't gone to bed and he should know that in no state were you ever going to sleep, so you still reflexively looked towards your phone hoping that he would know to text you and immediately every cell of anger would flush out of you in a nanosecond... but no text came, 

the text never came.

Your pride wouldn't let you text him first, but you constantly looked to see if he was online if he had seen your Instagram story, any hint to show that he had awoken from his slumber. You wanted to be the first person he texted the next day, profusely apologizing for yet again, throwing you aside for more "important," matters. But when had your relationship been considered no longer an important matter for him? He used to constantly want to spend time with you, enveloping your small hands in his as the two of you walked side by side, he'd attentively look at you as you spoke, spare a brief glance at you any chance he could, but now he barely looked up from his phone and uninterestingly listened to you go about sharing your day. You could see and feel Kai slowly slipping through your fingers like grains of sand. The dimples you had fallen in love with were replaced by frown lines as he poured over new tracks, the soft smile that was especially only for you was replaced by blank stares, and the sweet relationship disappeared like an early morning frost.

You thought that after a long day of not speaking to one another he would seek you out, he'd call you sweetly or at least send you a text checking up on you, but it was radio silent all day. He didn't care. Maybe he never did care. He used to constantly send you texts making sure you ate at least two meals a day, slept a reasonable amount of time, and got some Vitamin D so you wouldn't get too depressed as the sun started to set earlier and earlier in the day. You had started to cherish every text, the little things started to meet infinitely more. You started to fall more and more in love with him with every passing day, every moment you spent with him was cherished, adored and replayed. You started to yearn for the simplest things, whether that was a phone call a night or a simple good morning text, it was habitual with the two of you. He knew you better than the back of his hand, he knew when he needed to sing you the lullaby so you could sleep somewhat better, he knew when you were frustrated, he knew every quirk of yours so why wasn't he here now? Why hadn't he reached out to you? He must know how much you were wrestling back and forth with it, that you couldn't sleep peacefully last night that your thoughts had started to haunt you and threatened to swallow you whole.

The fact that he didn't reach out to you all day, just seemed to state the obvious for you, Kai no longer loved you. Every sweet moment, every giggle, every second you had wrapped yourself tightly around him, would be no longer. The small gasp you'd make as he pulled you closer to him before capturing your lips with his, the ease you felt as he wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into the side of your neck as you made breakfast, the small smile the two of you would share before Kai lightly kissed you on the forehead, the beautiful moments, the mundane moments, flashed through your head as tears blurred the phone screen in front of you. There seemed to be nothing left for you to do. And you felt absolutely helpless in the face of this, heartbreak reared its ugly head at you, almost menacing, reminding you of the next obstacle you would have to face. But this time, he wouldn't be there by your side to help you through it.

It was silly really, as you wrestled back and forth with this, feeling yourself get torn apart, Kai was restfully sleeping unaware that the love of his life was tearing herself inside out... for loving too much, for caring too much, for not being better for him. He would never know how destroyed she had become in a span of a day, because when he woke, he was greeted by nothing. No sweet text worried about him, absolutely nothing. Instead of being concerned, he merely shrugged assuming that you were busy and thought nothing of it. The two of you could talk later, but right now, he had more important things to do.

You were no longer important, a priority in his life. Just a mere passing figure.