Chapter twelve – looking vulnerable
Cory's POV
I was mentally freaking out. Holy shit, what the hell just happened?! My heart was still racing, my body feeling complete for the first time ever and everything just seemed perfect...and it was scaring me.
Missy laid perfectly nestled against me and my arms holding her in place. My stomach as swarming with butterflies as I thought about it again. Jesus' Christ, it really did happen? I had no idea what came over me but I just let it out. Nothing had ever felt so incredible I honestly didn't think I'd last that long.
Never had I ever actually made love to anyone especially not a girl I thought I had figured out when I really don't. Jesus' I really was messed up. I was probably the only one thinking about this and she is most definitely going to regret this. Why did I have to do this? Why?
I felt like crawling into a whole and just dying. Never in my life did I ever think a girl like Missy would be worth going to such lengths. Over the last week we had spent so much time together. And I was pleased to say I enjoyed every single of those moments.
If I had a choice to do this holiday again knowing she'd be here I would agree two hundred percent. Sure it would hurt me if she did regret it but I think now I knew I didn't regret it. I just needed to be sure of my feelings.
'your heart is racing...' Missy breathed across my chest.
I bit my lip, she was awake still? I thought she'd fallen asleep. I tightened my arms around her not sure how to respond. My breathing picked up a little and she raised her head to look at me.
'Cory?' she asked and I let my lip go.
'yes?' I replied meeting her gaze.
'are you okay?' she asked and I nodded.
'perfect'
She smiled and my smile warmed a little watching her all happy. My arms tightened some more and I tried to lower my heart rate and slow my breathing. Her hand, which was playing across my upper chest, slowed a little.
'Cory?' she whispered her hand stopping.
'hmm?'
'do you regret it?' she asked and I pursed my lips. I knew for sure I didn't regret it but this was the very girl I had ignored for so long. The one I thought was so fake and even though it should have been simple I just froze. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
'oh dear' she breathed sitting up.
'Missy-'
'no, don't even start. I need...I...I need to go' she stuttered and my eyes went wide. Before I even had a chance she wrapped a robe around her body and ran out the door. I flopped back on the bed and let out a heavy breath.
'great work, idiot' I breathed into her silent room. She wasn't going to talk to me now. All I had to do was say I didn't regret it but no I had to freeze up. Jesus Christ.
An hour later I was freezing my ass off walking up the mountain Missy showed me a while ago. The two layers of pants and the extra jacket on top was not helping. I could still feel the cool breeze making its way in.
I sighed; I hadn't seen Missy since she left me. I'm guessing she was up here, I hope she was. I still had a long way to go and I was getting annoyed at myself. It was so easy to just say it but I couldn't for some reason.
I knew I had to just tell her now. I needed to just explain to her I didn't mean it and all that. Maybe I should tell her I liked her now? Wow, wouldn't she freak out? Of course she would! She used to believe I hated her!
