All Of The Stars ☀ a.i • on hold

It's just another night

*unedited*

"It's just another night

And I'm staring at the moon"

----------------

I lay looking up at the moon in the starry sky, it's quiet apart from the faded out sound of cars it may be 1am but New York''s city streets never sleep.

I always come up to the park and I lay on top of the play slides roof, it's somewhere I can go to get away from everything, somewhere I can go to just be me. I've always come here alone I have no one to bring even if I wanted to. I miss him, I need him.

I quietly sing; "It's just another night

And I'm staring at the moon"

I think of those lyrics and the word 'another' stands out because like always it's just another night and here I am on another day doing the same thing.

I miss Sydney, my home. I miss my mum  but it's her problem she sent me here, I miss him, I'm homesick and broken not a good combination. Also I'm not allowed home yet.

I try to keep my eyes open but I can feel them slowly getting heavier.

-

I wake up as a cold breeze makes me shiver, I slowly sit up forgetting I'm on top of a slide roof and I slip off landing with a thud on the child protecting tar. Luckily I'm not hurt. but he is.

I stand up brushing off gravely bits of tar from my clothers and hair, then I make my way out the play park and back to my aunts house just across from the park.

I check my watch for the time I don't have a phone it was taken from me so I won't be tempted to call him, it's 6am. Just in time I mutter to myself as I enter the side of the house I stand on the garden bin then I lift my hands up so they're firmly grasping the window ledge as I haul myself up into my bedroom through the window I left open.

Fortunately my rooms quite low...if you could call it my room.

I carefully untie my black doc martins pulling them off my feet, I take off my sweats leaving me in my pajama shorts and his t-shirt. I get into the comfort of my bed...again if you could call it mine. Then allow my head to hit the pillows as sleep once takes over again.

-

I'm woke up to a soft knocking sound on the bedroom door "Scarlett?, wake up you've got therapy at 11am and it's now 10am" I hear Aunt Cheryl say.

"Okay" I say just loud enough for her to hear and I guess she does as I hear her going back down the stairs. I groan out loud at the thought of 'therapy'. Mum and aunt Cheryl thought it'd be good for me to go to therapy at the closet hospital to help me get over my sort of loss.

-

"So Miss Mari how are you coping with your loss?" the therapist asks

"He's not dead so he's not a loss" I bluntly reply.

"But he's a new person, he doesn't remember you"

"he's not a new person as he remembers everything but the last year"

"Okay Miss Mari-"

"Its Scarlett" I interrupt

"Okay Scarlett how are you coping?"

"Fine" I bluntly reply when I know that I'm not fine at all.

"Did you sleep outside again?"

"Yes"

"You do realize that it's bad-"

"Its just another night of being alone it helps" I say and I get up and leave not wanting to be with people that don't understand.

but where is someone that understands?

as soon as I get back to aunts and I bring out my old notebook that I use to use to write songs and I haven't written one since the accident. But write now I need to let my feelings out sometime so I just write.

It's just another night

And I'm staring at the moon.