Fighting Against Lilac Love (FALL)

chapter eight- Broken

You prove something to me, gain that little bit of trust, than go back on your word and destroy what little I had- Poetic Justice

A/N
Sorry guys, but I do not advise self harm. I only write it because of the personality that my character has. Other wise, if you do it. You're stupid. I do not recommend it to anyone coz it solves no ones problem. Thanks hunnies ;)

Christelle's POV

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid girl! What dont you understand? He wont change for you, he wont feel what you want him to feel. He's going to destroy you. Like before. Why are you letting him make you smile? Memories wont fix shit. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl! I scowled at my way ward thoughts. Angry at myself. Pissed at him. Terrified of what could happen. I growled, marching up stairs into my room. Glaring at the red curtains. How could I let him do that? How the hell am I suppose to be moving on with him in the damn way?

I cursed myself, trudging into my bathroom. Shit had to get done. Each smile, each laugh, each happy memory would be diminished. I will punish myself. I will destroy whatever he left behind. This was pure anger, self loathing and hate at what I will become if I let him get through me. Hes using me. Hes manipulating me. I threw my bag on the tiles, rummaging for my long lost prosecutor. The blade.

Not thinking twice I rolled my sleeve up, just by the inside of my elbow. I stared at myself in the mirror. Dark eyes glared back at me. Yes, look at me. Eyes on the mirror. Look at you now, you dont need him. He doesnt need you. I brought the blade up, just up, kept my eyes on myself. I sliced. Deep. One: for making me forget. I brought it up again, eyes on my reflection, determination settling in. The burn of the cut soothed any doubts I had. I brought it down. I slid it against my skin. Deeper. Two: for making me smile. I clenched my jaw, blood trickling down, I ignored.

Eyes set on myself, you will learn, Chris. Three: for making me laugh. I pressed hard. Deeper still. Still staring into eyes that burned bright, bright with her desperateness and her eagerness to move on. But cant. Last cut. Four: for making me believe. I deliberately did it deeper than the rest. I will remember and not forget.

I dropped the blade in the sink, still staring at my wavering reflection. You will not cry, Chris. You will not break down. You did enough of that for the past year. No more tears. I finally stopped staring at myself and looked at my new artwork. Four long gnashes looking angry, red, bleeding still and welted. I sighed my relief. Good girl, Chris. Good girl. I shakily wiped the blood with tissues, putting some disinfectant on it and wrapping it up in a bandage.

What does he want with me? He normally stays off track because of my brother. But now? No. I will not let him get to me. I will fight him until im dying. This I promise. There was blood on the sink and on the blade. I released a deep breath. Time to get rid of the evidence.

I washed up the sink with bleach, cleaning my sharp blade thoroughly and keeping it away to its original place. After a very close examination, I agreed that the place didnt look like Evil Dead. A knock on the door sounded and I hurried downstairs, pulling my hoodie sleeve down. Laury came through as soon as I opened the door. "Hi, Chris. Hope my timing wasnt off?" she asked going straight to the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, ofcourse, help yourself.

"No. Your timing is always unusually, freakishly perfect." I muttered, following her. She beamed me a smile, already having a water bottle in her hand. "Aw, thank you. I just wanted to spend some time with you, we hardly get to do that anymore...and you havent been yourself...i mean, you're improving...you were improving...but it seems as if....something is off..." she trails, studying me closely. "You stopped havent you?" She flat out asked.

Shit. I widened my eyes innocently, I hope she buys it. "Ofcourse I did. Why would I start again?" I asked, bewildered. I hated lying to her...but sometimes you need to sort yourself out with no help whats so ever. She hummed, sharp blue eyes reading my facial expression. I gave nothing away. She sighs, popping the cap off the water bottle and gulping gracefully from it. "I hope so, Chris." She mutters after drinking her water.

I sighed internally too, I hope so too. Soon, Laury. Soon.