Rescued: A Nyssara Story

Chapter 22

Hi guys! Sorry I haven't been posting. I have posted this story on Archive Of Our Own (with revisions) and I will be reposting the revisions for each chapter here as well. Not much has changed but I wanted to change a couple things. Anyway, have fun with this chapter :)
-Shay

NYSSA: Sara has been progressing through her training at a very fast pace. I had a conversation with my father about a week ago about having Sara be separated from the group lessons since she is learning much faster than the others. He was, of course, very apprehensive and denied my request. Today, he witnessed Sara's skill in training and, to my surprise, granted Sara the private lessons that I had requested. I was ecstatic for a split second until I realized that he said that he wanted to be her mentor. My heart sank at this turn of events and it is all I've been able to think about. 

I felt at the time of the request that I  wasn't making it out of selfishness, but at current time, I've learned that it was. I wanted Sara all to myself. I wanted to be real with her instead of pretending to be harsh with her as I have in the group training. My plan has backfired. Not only do I not get the private sessions with Sara, I don't get any sessions with her anymore. I am glad that my father has taken a liking to her and wants to mentor her, but I also mourn our lost time. I may have loathed the fact that I had to be so harsh with Sara during our training, but I still enjoyed her presence, nonetheless.

It has become harder in the past weeks for us to be together, as I predicted. There are members here that I sensed getting suspicious. I was visiting her far too often and we've had to cut ourselves off from each other for a while. And now this. I don't even get to see her in training...

We are in the same location and yet it feels like we are worlds away. I've fantasized about connecting one of my secret passages to her room. I've fantasized about becoming Ra's and taking Sara away from here. I've fantasized about many fantastic scenarios where I could be with Sara, but all are just so unattainable that I become melancholy.

I lay in bed so wrapped up in my thoughts that I've now realized that I've been laying awake for two hours. I hate this. Being in love. It is much more mental and emotional strain than I wish to live with. A part of me regrets ever allowing myself to have feelings for her. I knew there would be consequences, but I never imagined them being like this. I never imagined myself being so engulfed in her to the point of insomnia. I never imagined I would be so distracted. I never imagined that I'd miss her so badly even though she is only a minute's walk away from me. Is this normal? Is this what it's supposed to be like? Or am I an anomaly because of my upbringing? I don't know. I just want to talk with her. She makes me feel so normal. 

I find myself smiling.

No. I can't let this effect me. I am Heir to the Demon. I cannot have this ruin my standing. This is the right thing for us. The right thing for me. To stay away.

SARA: I'm beyond pissed. I'm seeing Nyssa less and less and I feel like I'm going insane. Ra's wants to train me privately for some reason. Does he somehow know about us or something? Why else would he deliberately separate me from Nyssa's training? The only time I see Nyssa now is in passing when she swaps my empty vial with a full one. My only friend in this goddamn hell-hole and I never see her. It's not like I can be friends with any of these other members, not that I'd want that. None of them are that cute either. Okay, why would that matter, Sara? You love Nyssa, idiot. Great. Now I'm arguing with myself in my own mind. I really am going insane. I know that this is how it has to be. She warned me it was going to get harder. I was stupid to believe that this would be anything different.

This isn't even my only worry now. I have to be one on one with Ra's tomorrow and so many more days after. I have to pretend I'm a loyal subject and that I'm not in love with his daughter. I'm so glad that I took those beginner acting classes in school. They are actually coming in handy in this place. 

It's so annoying, though. I just want to be with her. I can't stop thinking about her. The way she holds me. The way she kisses me. The way she smiles at me. Her soft hair. Her soft lips. Her soft skin...

I think about being the deviant I am and just throw caution to the wind and go to her room. There is a passage of hers near here that I know of. Should I? Risk everything just to see her? She would be so mad at me if I tried that. She just wants me to be safe and attempting that is very dangerous. But we could be together...in more ways than one...

Years. It's been years since I was that horny school girl. I haven't been that way for a long time. I thought that part of me sank to the bottom of the sea with the Gambit...Boy, was I wrong. But like can anyone really blame me? Who wouldn't want Nyssa every night? And who in their right mind wouldn't find Nyssa so irresistibly attractive? I really want to pleasure her. I want to learn her body. I haven't gotten to yet and she already knows mine so well...

I find myself biting my lip thinking about her moaning while I'm inside her...that's something I'd like to see...

I shake myself out of my fantasy and sigh to myself. I have to stop thinking about sex for like five seconds or I might just have to get myself off. People under the influence of the rituals don't have sex drives, so I can't be caught doing that. Anyone can walk in my room at any time, because members don't need privacy, apparently. It's easier to get away with stuff in Nyssa's room because people aren't allowed to enter her room without permission.

I close my eyes. 

I just need to sleep...I pick one of my favorite songs to put in my head to drown out my thoughts and try to fall to sleep.

NYSSA: I stare at my secret passage's entrance that sits behind one of my wardrobes.

Most of the members in Sara's wing are asleep in their chambers. It wouldn't be that difficult to go see her without being noticed. There are some that walk the halls at this hour, but not enough to make it impossible for me to get to her room...

I cover my face with a pillow.

I've never been so at war with myself before. I know strength, I know restraint, and I know patience. Now all of a sudden, I am questioning everything. All because of a girl. An American girl ruined me, somehow. How did I let that happen? How did I let my guard down? How did she get so deep into my heart to where I feel so seemingly ill without her?

I haven't needed such ritual in many years, but perhaps now I need meditation. 

I sit up straight and start doing the meditation practices I was taught in my youth. Perhaps, this will help me become myself again. Maybe a trance is what I need to lift some of the weight I feel on my heart. 

I let myself go until I finally drift away.