Chapter 28

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Note: Hey, long time no see, eh? Sorry I have been busy working on my degree lately, but I'll be writing here and there more. I'll just preface this chapter with this: I know this chapter seems chaotic. It's because Nyssa is in a chaotic state of mind.  Have fun.

NYSSA: 

Sarab's torture was very unsatisfactory. He made no noise and did not even a grimace. My father did a grand job on making him. My displeasure is the least of my worries, however.

I am going to have to break Sara's heart. I have to. The charade has gone on too long and we cannot be together anymore. Sara is too stubborn for her own good and I know that she will not want to separate, so I must make her want to. I must hurt her. She no longer needs me to provide her with vials, so now is a good time to stop this.

I need to be convincing and perhaps very harsh. How shall I go about this? The only thing that I can think of is to request the services of my mistresses and have Sara witness the act of my infidelity. As much as that pains me, I think it is the best way to break her heart. I need to show Sara that I'm a monster. Anything to push her away.

Just the thought of having another woman in my bed again makes my whole body churn.

I wish I could just go back in time to when I found Sara on the island and send her back home where she belongs. None of this would have never happened. She'd be safe. The pain of having her in my heart and not being able to love her is beyond any pain I could have imagined ever enduring.

I don't want to give my body to anyone else. How could I? Can't there be any other way? In any other setting, the fact that I'm a murderer would be enough to make someone hate me, but alas, she is being trained to be one as well. The fact that it is possible for her to love me the way I am is surprising enough. 

Is infidelity the only option to push her off the edge? I need her to hate me. Rage needs to fill her veins at the sight of me. This is what I have to do.

I leave and make way to the village. I shall plan the act with Dolma. I wish I could just fake the infidelity with her, but the more people know about my love, the more likely it puts Sara in danger. Dolma can't know that I am in love. That is information that can be extorted. And I can't just tell Sara that I had sex with someone else. She wouldn't believe me. She would see right through my ruse. Seeing is believing. This is the only way.

For the first time in my life, my body shakes with nerves.

I stop in my tracks as I come to realization: how am I meant to have Sara see the act without it seeming so utterly planned? She knows that I know where she is most of the time.

I clench my jaw.

What the hell am I doing? Have I gone mad? Has love corrupted my brain so terribly that I no longer have to ability to think logically? Sara isn't a child. I can't continue to baby her and I can't continue to flee from my own problems. I will terminate our relationship myself and I will not cave to her pleas. I must build up my walls once again and be impenetrable this time. It is for her safety. Perhaps one day, when I am Ra's, I can relinquish her from this hell and be with her as I please. That is all I can hope for. That is what will drive me.

I turn around and walk back to the stronghold.

My body still shakes but more intensely now. I do not wish to see Sara's face when I break her heart.

I arrive in my room to gather my thoughts for a moment. I fetch my bottle of ale for some "liquid courage" and take a drink. 

I glance at the clock. Sara will be arriving in her room soon, so I make my way to her room through my tunnels and wait for her.

I begin to meditate on her bed and manage to extinguish my nerves and become calm once more. I am a wall, nay, a box. I'm impenetrable from all sides.

I see a shadow underneath the door. I stand as Sara enters the room. She is startled by my presence and she draws a knife. She sighs and puts it back. She closes the door.

"You can't do that to me, Nyssa. I wasn't expecting you. I thought it was Sarab again."

"I tortured Sarab. He will no longer invade your privacy or mine."

"Did he scream?" Sara asks.

"No. He has been trained well by my father. I was actually quite disappointed."

Sara chuckles. "Well, at least it's all over now."

I clench my jaw as I try to force out my next sentence.

"It is over. This is over, Sara," I say as I gesture to both of us.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sara asks as she walks in closer.

"You and I. I am done with you," I say.

"Done with me? Is this because of Sarab? You don't have to pretend that you're 'done with me' like I'm some sort of toy that you're bored with?"

"It is time I put my foot down."

"Your foot down for what?"

I inhale and channel anger to my words. "You have done nothing but ruin my life. The foundations I spent my entire existence building were destroyed by you. I did not become a martial arts grandmaster at the age of seventeen just so I could just give it all up for some silly American. I need to focus on my greater goal: to become Ra's al Ghul. And you, you need to stop distracting me and do as you are told. Never come to my quarters again and will address me as Heiress as you are meant to. We're over."

"Are you done?" Sara asks unconvinced.

"Ta-er al Sahfer, use that tone with me again and you will regret it."

"Nyssa, I know you're scared, but you don't have to do this. I'll back off, that's fine, but don't pretend for one second that I ruined your life."

I knew she wouldn't believe me. Actions speak louder than words, I suppose.

I swipe my foot under Sara's legs and she falls to the ground. I pull out a knife.

"You're not going to hurt me," she says.

She's right. I'm not going to hurt her...physically.

I cut open my arm where I had put Sara's carving of a heart, fish around in my wound with my fingers, and pull the carving out. I throw it on the ground in front of her. I sheath my knife and wrap my wound with a piece of garment (I don't have my spare Lazarus vial at the moment).

Sara looks up at me with a tear running down her cheek. I walk past her, open the door, and leave her room for the last time.

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