~completed~ "She drew with the colored pencils even though the only thing in her brain was a blank page. She wanted everybody to believe that she was as vibrant as her art. I was a dead soul in the body of a youth. I would have cried if I was strong...
After chatting, and texting every day for a month, we had given each other nicknames. Mine was Batman. Hers was Alfred. It was during this time I decided to tell Ellie something so simple, but yet so complex! Something that could change our friendship forever. I told her I liked her. This was obvious, but I had never actually told her before. After a few minutes, she replied "K." I was just beginning to think she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong...
I asked if Ellie liked me back? She said no. She also said that she was not interested in a relationship at that time. I was heartbroken, depressed, and honestly disappointed in myself. She then said "But we can be best friends forever instead‽" I then shot back saying "Deal!" She then said, "No hard feelings right?" I said no. This was the first time I had lied to Ellie. In all past friendships, I lied to my "friends" in an attempt to hide what a mess I actually was. It was my way of feeling accepted. But not Ellie. I may have acted like something besides myself, in an act of being the man I thought she wanted, but never lied to her.
Upon many days of contemplating, and re-reading our conversation, I came to a conclusion. I had been recently learning to never give up. If I wanted something, I had worked for it. I wanted Ellie! The average person would have looked at our conversation as "He got denied!" But no, not me! I looked at it as a challenge. Not knowing it, Ellie gave me a challenge and a goal. My goal, was for to Ellie to like me, the real me. With this goal, I had a challenge... I knew I had to change myself, from the person I faked to be, to the real me. This 'simple' task was not easy!
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I became very stressed. I noticed a large change in my attitude, and not for the better. I was finally discovering the real me. A grumpy, sassy, smart alec. Someone no one would love. This new discovery, lead to the stupidest mistake of my life, that I knew I would regret forever. A distraction. I truthfully had just given up trying to make Ellie like me.
I unhappily asked out another girl. In those moments, it seemed so right, but I knew it was so wrong. This girl did not at all in any way even come close to how amazing Ellie was! This girl had, had 7 boyfriends before she started talking to me. During this month of my 'distraction,' I realized what I had done. I regretted it, I regretted giving up on myself and my best friend. So I pulled back from the distraction, and she broke up with me. Thank God she did! When I confessed what I had done to Ellie, and she didn't seem to care. I could sense she that really did... This is when the depression set in again.
I knew I had to rethink my life. I realized I was falling in the footsteps of my father. Even though Ellie and I were not together, she had my heart... and I jeopardized that! I became depressed, I did not talk to anyone but the occasional, mandatory words to my family. I did not respond to any texts or calls from anyone for a week. It was during this week, I decided to change myself, for the better! Just when I discovered who I was, I decided that was not the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be a supportive, loving, caring, strong, encouraging person. From that day forward, I decided I was not going to be a grumpy, selfish, sassy, person. That is not the guy whom Ellie deserved.
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After a few weeks of character change, and forgiveness, Ellie and I seemed back to normal... our long late night texts began to happen again. I was excited every time I looked down and saw her name on my phone! Ellie was the true definition of a best friend! When I messed up and did what I thought was one of the worst things ever, she was still right by my side.
One night, I had gone to bed around 9. I woke up around 12 am, and there were messages from Ellie. I opened them and responded. To my surprise, SHE WAS STILL AWAKE! She had been doing homework that entire time! My heart sank into the ground... There I was, with the ability to just go to sleep if I wanted, and she had to do homework. I told her I was sorry, and she was shocked. She asked why I apologized for her problems, and I replied, "Because it's midnight and you're still up doing homework!" I honestly felt helpless and bad that I couldn't help her at all.
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Ellie and I connected on another level. More than just friends. Like brother and sister, and best friends, and an old married couple all at one time. We had respect for each other. We agreed on many things. We could help each other through trials life threw at us.
It was a Saturday morning, I decided to ask Ellie another question. Instead of asking if she liked me, I asked what she wanted in a relationship. She did not know at first, but after some thought, she said the fruits of the spirit. Without, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, you don't have a healthy relationship. I had never thought about it that way before. She was so right! I then asked her if she had a dream guy? She said no, and that she wasn't interested in finding one.
I was disappointed in myself. I thought she liked me. I mean a 17.year old girl, talking to a 13-year-old boy. Why would she have talked to me if she didn't like me? I began to question our friendship. I wondered if she was only my friend because of a dare. Or a lash out at the enemy.
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I convinced myself that I was not worthy of her. It was not until my family visited their family for a weekend, that I realized I was wrong. After touring the small town, and hanging out together, Ellie had to walk her goats. I decided to walk with her. I asked before I Did, and she said: " If you can keep up." I accepted the challenge.
After an hour of wandering around the woods, the goats actually stopped and started to eat. I decided to go talk to Ellie. We did not chat for long. I learned that a way for her to unwind, and detox, was to just be alone in the woods.
Later that night, we played a game with her sisters, and my little sister, Amy. It was not a board game, nor a card game, but a paper game. I had never played before. Each person got a piece of paper. On the top of everyone's paper, each person would write a boy's name. Then they passed each of the papers to the next person. And they wrote a girl's name and passed. Next, they wrote where they met, then passed. Then how they met and passed. Finally, the conclusion, and then came opening them...
I do not remember any but 1. It was the one from God. I had been recently praying, that God would lead my life. And also hoping, Ellie was in it. This cold, dark night, it was proved. Somehow, 1 paper, said David, Ellie, the middle of the road, happily Ever after. I felt as if God wanted us to live happily ever after. Ellie had a smile ear to ear... It was that moment, I knew I could not give up on my goal!
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