~completed~ "She drew with the colored pencils even though the only thing in her brain was a blank page. She wanted everybody to believe that she was as vibrant as her art. I was a dead soul in the body of a youth. I would have cried if I was strong...
Sunday mornings usually consisted of getting up early to prepare for church. I could sing fairly well, but I was never going to go onstage for everyone to hear. Only the people whom I trusted a lot would ever hear me sing. Instead; I ran part of the sound booth. About ten minutes before I had to be on-duty, David came around the corner!
We bro-fisted, then embraced. We strolled into the library and took a seat in the luxurious chairs. We spoke of miscellaneous life predicaments that we were currently going through, and how we could help each other through those trials.
I had to tell him, it wasn't fair if I lied. "My dad expressed that he doesn't want me texting you as often as we usually do." I stated while simultaneously ducking my head. "WHAT?" He exclaimed; then continued, "Why not? It's not like we're sending inappropriate pictures or anything... Seriously? We talk and have those deep and meaningful conversations. I just don't understand!" "Hey," I said in a soft voice, "at least this will make our friendship stronger; we can do this." I ended with a lame smile.
My phone alarm went off for me to go back to the sound booth before the service started. David saw my upgrade and was happy that I was able to be able to contact him more readily. I glanced over at him right before I had planned on getting up and leavening, but I double-took that glance again. Man, he had long eyelashes! "I bet my eyelashes are longer than yours!" I said. "Oh really? Are you sure about that?" He taunted. I had still been holding my phone in my hand, so I whipped out the camera app, and said, "look up, then say 'Cheese!'" He surprisingly went along with it and smiled.
"That is totally getting saved, then going on Instagram!" I said. "Uuugh, not Instagram! People comment nilly willy all over our posts," he whined then continued, "Anyways, you should send me that photo... Eh? How does that sound?" "Sounds great!" I said with a thumbs up and a smile on my face.
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Nothing seemed out of ordinary that day. The service went smoothly. David got up towards the end of it and walked towards the back of the room. He seemed to be sad and depressed, so I flashed him a quick smile before he left the room.
Later, we hung out and talked even more about how our lives were going. It amazed me how much he cared about my problems. My own family didn't seem to understand me as much as David. He talked about the problems that he was going through with his dad. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, but I wasn't sure if it was enough...
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After I got back from church, I was rummaging through my purse, only to find a handwritten note. I could tell by the handwriting that it was from David. This is what it said:
"I tell myself over and over again this isn't happening, he can't, he won't, he isn't, but then I realize: He has, he is.... Your dad really wants you and I to have nothing to do with each other... nothing at all! I just found out that he doesn't want you to text me anymore, so he took away your phone. My opinion: this is terrible!, If he would pull his head out of his work, then he would have his eyes working, and could clearly see that I am not just some "1-night stand" and that you value and appreciate me. Ellie, I would die without you. There, there it is. Read it again. Ellie, I would die without you. Understand now? I don't think so. Ellie, I need you so that I can live. Ellie, I wrote it in a notebook; it's something that you and I don't mess around with and trust each other 100% for nothing. Ellie, I would not be here right now if I had not had you. No, I'm not just a selfish brat. I'm a mess-up. You are my sanity, and through Jesus, I'm alive still. Ellie, I'm gonna be honest, and you're gonna be pissed, but I walked out of the church at the end today, before everyone else, in tears, with the thoughts of, "It would be a heck of a lot easier not here! I'm gonna die in one of these terrible worldly catastrophes anyways!" Ellie, I felt my knife in my pocket when I was sitting there, and I walked out with wrong intentions; and then I saw you. You stopped me. Without even knowing it you saved my life. I walked into that bathroom put both my knives back in my pocket, and said, "Tools, not weapons. She means more to me. I'll fight for her. I will not give up on her!" Ellie, I love you. And I'm very certain you love me, and if your dad is too blind to see that, then he has the problem. I know that I probably just ruined your afternoon, and most likely you're on the verge of tears, but Ellie I can't lose you. And you need to know that I am alive because of you!"
The tears flowed from my eyes as I sent up a silent prayer thanking God, that David didn't do what he had thought about. I thought that I was depressed with my life; clearly, I was wrong. David was my new goal. To make him feel wanted by the world, to make him feel loved, and to accept him for who he was instead of trying to change him into being who I wanted.
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