~completed~ "She drew with the colored pencils even though the only thing in her brain was a blank page. She wanted everybody to believe that she was as vibrant as her art. I was a dead soul in the body of a youth. I would have cried if I was strong...
My mom didn't know the real me; she didn't know how my brain worked; so she sent me to a charter school because she said that she could no longer teach me. I had some motivation while homeschooling, but very little.
The change to a charter school changed my life. If I hadn't gone, I would still be that awkward girl trying to fit in, but not making the cut... After three and a half years going to school, I still often felt left-out and rejected - an anomaly.
One day, a little bit after David and I had officially became best friends, I realized that we both tried to change ourselves to be accepted; we needed to stop that. Right then I decided not to change to be liked and accepted, but to stay who I was with all of my character, and change the world without being fake. David quickly followed my lead. We were fine being ourselves - it was more comfortable, it was more real.
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Life is like when you hurt yourself - sure, it hurts a lot, but as time goes by, you slowly see that God heals your hurt and sorrow away. It may seem that everybody could care less about you, but what you really need to hear and heed is that you're going to be better; and that God cares for us even more than anybody could ever begin to comprehend.
I got offended often when I was growing up. My offenders would say sorry, but I commonly remembered what they had done to me. The past was the past, but it was hard to let go... Anger emanated throughout my past memories. I became violent, trying to hide my emotions from the world which I knew was watching. With Jessie as a younger sibling; punching, slapping, and pinching was very common. I didn't know of many other girls who would offer free knuckle sandwiches, but my sister and I were almost all the way from normal. Kicking was a different matter though; I almost always wore cowgirl boots - which during a school soccer game, were dubbed "shin kickers."
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