Promises Demise

I won't say why and how it happened. I won't say where it happened either. But I will say when it happend. This all started four or five years back. I would've been in sixth or seventh grade, the years kids would test themselves. Shape who they'd be be for the next five to six years of their lives. Still telling themselves what they want to be when they grow up.

I can happily say, I didn't want it to turn out this way. I never wanted it to start like that.

But I couldn't ever have this life if it wasn't the way it was. 

At first, you're unsure. Then you start to get comfortable, you stop thinking.. "What if someone finds out?" Then eventually, you're fine with what you're doing. You feel there isn't a need to be worried about what you're doing...

Within a year though, it was numbing. Just to get away from my parents divorce. To get away from the abuse. It's a small price for something so big. 

When people would ask if I was okay, I would smile, nod, and tell them the same line as if I was on repeat. A broken record playing the same verse, over and over again. "Yeah. I'm doing just great." and at some point, I started to believe it myself. By the time I was in eigth grade though, my clothes just got bigger and heavier all so I could hide what I was doing to myself.

I'm in tenth or eleventh grade now. What may sound like a drug, could be one. It feels like one, believe it or not. I failed to mention the name of my drug though. You're probably thinking, it's weed or meth or something along those lines. But it isn't.

My drug.. Has no proper name. Most of you though, will call it cutting. Those who try and truly do understand it though... We've named it self harm.