Poetry

Untitled

There was a time when the possibilities were endless.
No blame, I dove head first into the hearts of the empty and I found comfort.
It was what young girls call love.
Preach how all men are the same when we keep digging in dirt looking for gold, look at us; we are only fools.
I never wanted to be beautiful, people always wanted to be beautiful.
They see beauty and kindness and take it as invitation.
I've lived in fear and hate before because men think they are above me.
I beat on your heart, you caged me there and you never even gave me a chance.
I never begged before, but I was terrified.
I couldn't bare the heartache but truth is you had already decided to tear me apart from the start.
I remember the spilling, but I remember waking up the next day saying; "I'm okay."
It was something I learned to say.
Things will never be the same and that's okay.
On repeat, I say it again.
I couldn't bare the voices so I joined them.
An ill thought to think I became everything I never wanted to be.
I choke and I spit up my memories.
Where have I gone?
Too comfortable in my numbness I challenge my heart to grow.
If you leave I'll heal.
I'll shed my tears and strip the part that held you in my heart.
Restart.
I'm not a machine but if there was a program to follow it would be to forget.
I'll always remember but I don't have the energy to sulk.
My will to forget is stronger than my will to feel and that's my true reason to feel sad.
Walking around like zombies and I can't feel a damn thing.