My Roommate the Sex God

HAVE A MINUTE?

Jamison

Things between Keagan and I were sort of awkward. I mean, I guess that's my fault. I shouldn't have let him kiss me when he was clearly drunk. But in a strange way, I wanted to kiss him. Which makes absolutely no sense because I barely even like him as a person. But we were connecting.

I felt like I could just talk to him about anything. I opened up about Russ when I didn't think I could. He made me feel comfortable enough to talk, and that was important.

Speaking of Russ, I needed to figure out how to fix whatever it was that was bothering him. No matter if it had to do with me or not. Because I was a good friend and I wanted to help him no matter what. I just thought we had it all figured out already. If I knew he was having doubts; or would have doubts that I wouldn't have wanted to hook up with him.

I hate using the term, but that's basically what we did.

I decided that I wanted to call him rather than talk to him face to face. I feel like he wouldn't tell me the truth if we were face to face. Russ was kind of shy, even around me. Even though I've seen him naked, and had him inside of me. We've been in the most awkward of situations and yet he wouldn't be able to voice his feelings.

But you know what, I get that.

Sex is different than feelings. You can have sex without feelings, but you can't have feelings without... feeling something; obviously. It's easy to do things that don't involve feeling anything. The hard part is to actually care.

I guess that's why I consider myself a carefree person. I try not to let my emotions get in the way. It makes things too difficult. But then it takes away from certain things about life. The only things I really cared about was my family, and getting good grades. I cared about Livvie and Russ, but in a different way. It sounds messed up, but I cared about them minimally. If I cared too much, it would take away from other things that mattered. And I couldn't have that.

But I pushed any negative thoughts I had in my head out and picked up my phone.

I made sure that Keagan wouldn't be coming in to ruin it; I waited until he left for the night.

He had been doing that lately. I wasn't sure why. I wasn't sure where he was going; and I wasn't sure if he would be back before I went to sleep. It was a mystery. Keagan himself was a huge mystery. One day he liked me, and the next he barely talked to me. He kissed me, apologized to me, and that was that. And for the most part I was cool with everything.

It was just really confusing.

I wasn't ready to be confused about anyone.

But it kept me busy, that's for sure. I just had to keep my head out of the clouds and in my books. School always came first. I wasn't going to let anyone keep me from my work; that was what was most important to me. If all else failed in the world; if anyone failed me, I'd always have my knowledge. I don't care how lame it sounds, it's true. I'd always stick by my values.

"Jamison Hi. What's up?"

I smiled slightly as I heard Russ' voice. It took him a while to pick up my call.

"Nothing much really. Do you have a few minutes?"

I miss the days when phones had cords. They were something to play with, something to help distract people. I just wanted and needed a cord.

"Yea I do. Why? Is everything ok?"

I noticed exactly what Livvie was talking about. Just from hearing him speak for five seconds I noticed he was not himself. The Russ I knew would already be deep in a conversation by now.

"Everything is fine with me. Doing well in school, trailing along, trying to have a social life for once. How about with you?"

I didn't want to jump the gun so quickly and ask him what was up. Russ would probably retreat if I did that and make up an excuse and hang up. I didn't want that.

"I'm doing good. High school is boring, but at least it's not hard. Livvie and I have lunch together thank god."

Well it looked like he wasn't going to come out and say what was on his mind. I was going to have to go fishing for information. I wasn't too good at that, I never really had to press anyone to tell me anything before. I mean with my mom and dad I did, but it was totally different.

"That's good. I think I remember her telling me that but I forgot. I um. I thought that I'd hear from you by now. That's kind of why I called. Have you been busy? Or... is it something else?"

I heard Russ sigh.

"Did Livvie say something to you?"

I bit my lip.

Lying was something I didn't do. I was literally awful at lying.

"She didn't tell me anything specific. Just that she thought something was up, that's all. I just want to make sure you're ok. That if you don't want to talk to her about it, you can talk to me about it. And that I'm here for you."

And then I thought maybe I should have done this face to face.

I missed Russ' face.

He was pretty cute.

But before we started sleeping together I never thought so. I only thought of him as attractive after we fooled around; it was weird. I feel like there is some psychological term to explain why but for once I can't remember.

"I don't appreciate you two talking about me behind my back. I'm fine. If I wasn't I would let one of you know. So just leave it at that, ok?"

Wow.

I never heard Russ get so nasty. It was so unlike him.

But I didn't want to upset him further so I accepted it for now.

"I'm sorry Russ. We didn't mean to do that. We just care about you and wanted to help. I won't say anything to her about you I promise."

"Thank you. Sorry I snapped at you. I just don't want you guys thinking things that aren't true. I wish that you were here instead of there. It would make things easier. I mean I get why you went. But... it's weird it just being me and Livvie. I love her and everything, but we were like the three musketeers. I miss you."

I tucked in my lip.

He missed me.

"Don't worry, thanksgiving break is coming up real soon and I'll be home before you know it. We'll get to hang out like old times. How does that sound?"

I could almost hear him smile.

"It sounds great."

I looked at my clock and internally sighed,

Where was Keagan?

I didn't want him strolling in at odd hours waking me up. He did that once before and it scared the crap out of me.

"Good. So hang in there and I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Ok I'll try. I'll talk to you soon Jamison. Bye."

I hung up and scrolled up to Keagan's number. It would most likely piss him off if I called so I texted him instead.

Are you alright? Not that I'm worried or anything. Just don't want to lock you out.

It took what seemed like forever for him to reply.

That was another one of my pet peeves. Taking way too long for a simple answer. Like I get if you're in class or work or whatnot; but if you're literally doing nothing like I know you are and you don't answer? Oh that drives me insane. It's just so rude.

And it's later now than it was, what if I fell asleep? That would defeat the whole purpose of texting in the first place.

You definitely are worrying. I know you. You worry about everything. Relax, I'm fine. I don't remember what room I'm in, but I'm in good hands. Probably getting drunk. Shit happens. Leave the door unlocked just in case I need to come back or something. Thanks.

Well at least I got a thanks out of all that.

A part of me still wanted to lock the door, but I wasn't that much of a jerk. That was Keagan's job.