My Roommate the Sex God

BOSTON

Jamison

I never meant to make Keagan so upset. I swear that wasn't my intention at all. But what could I do? I did what I always do, and that's just doing what seems/feels right. Keagan was one of the most stubborn people in the world, but I couldn't let him back down from this. This was his biological family that needed him, and I just couldn't let him walk away from it.

Yes, it's actually none of my business but Keagan is my business and if he heard the way his mother was pleading to him I think he would have changed his mind. But I can't know that for sure. I don't know much of anything about his childhood. He never mentioned details and I never asked him to. All I did know was that it was bad. Pretty fucking bad. And I understood him not wanting to elaborate; but his lack of doing so has made this journey of ours happen.

My heart broke for him, watching his hands tremble and his foot tap against the floor of the plane. I could almost feel his anxiety. And like I said, I never meant for this. But deep down, I knew that he would regret it if he didn't go. It would be the last time he ever saw his dad. No matter what happened in the past, this was his dad, and he was asking for him. All he wanted was to see his son before it was too late.

In other circumstances I would agree with my boyfriend, but this was an extreme situation and we were making the best of it. I mean, his mom did pay for the flight because she was so desperate for him to come over there.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? I have a few snacks in my bag."

Keagan shook his head and cracked his knuckles. I hated seeing him like this.

"You haven't drank anything since yesterday baby, please just have some water. It's still nice and cold."

I opened the lid and handed it to him, and he reluctantly took it. I was glad that he didn't take half a sip and hand it back to me; he must have really been thirsty because he gulped down quite a bit.

"Thanks Jamie."

I smiled softly and rested my head on his shoulder. He was always so warm and comfortable to lay on. I knew that I wasn't his favorite person right now, but he wasn't acting like he was angry or upset anymore, he was just going with whatever was happening at the moment.

The plane jerked and he grabbed my hand; and in a sick twisted way it made me happy because he needed me for that one moment. I mean, I knew that he needed me just as much as I needed him. And I was way past all of the insecurities I once had, but it still felt nice to have him be needy at times. Most of the time it was me who was overly affectionate and wanted to cuddle and things like that. But when he made the cute comments and initiated snuggles it was the best feeling. I think he knew it too.

"We're almost there, we're getting lower," he said as he looked out of the window.

Of course I let him have the window seat, he loved it.

"Oh good. I need to stretch my legs a bit," I said as I tried to stretch them out in my seat.

The flight wasn't long at all, but sitting in the same spot in such a small area took its toll on my body, especially because I had awkwardly long legs for my height.

We waited patiently for the next few minutes as our plane landed and everyone had exited. We both only brought one carryon bag so we didn't have to endure the hassle that was the baggage claim. So after we got ourselves situated we called a cab to get to our next destination.

Keagan cleared his throat.

"Are we going to a hospital or... the house?"

The fact that he said 'the house' instead of 'my house' was very unsettling. He was so disconnected to his family. I couldn't imagine what that must be like. I was blessed to have a positive upbringing. I just really wished that Keagan could have as well. He deserved so much better than this.

"Um. She said that he wanted to be at home when the time came. So I'm assuming the house. I could call and find out-"

Keagan's face made me stop my sentence. He looked like he was going to burst into tears. I grabbed his hand and put my other hand on his cheek.

"Hey hey what's wrong baby?"

Keagan bit his lip and shook his head.

"God. I hoped I wouldn't ever have to go back. The bastard is still torturing me. He chose this on purpose. He's a fucking monster."

I was so confused. But just from looking at his face I knew it was way worse than I had originally thought.

"What do you mean Keagan?" I asked as sincerely as I could.

I felt for him I really did. I felt his pain, it was radiating off of him.

"So much as happened in that house Jamie. You don't understand. I'd rather jump off a cliff than go there. If he's so sick why isn't he in the hospital? Is he even sick? Is this a sick fucking game to them I don't get it."

"Baby no, no they aren't lying. Your mother sounded very serious. I couldn't imagine this being a trick. She said that its stage IV brain cancer and he has less than a month to live. That it could be any day now..."

Keagan grabbed at his shoulders and took in a breath. "I wish that day was yesterday. I know it sounds terrible but I mean it."

As the cab pulled up, I tried to think quickly on my feet.

"Baby why don't we check into a hotel and just collect ourselves for an hour or two? We don't need to go to the house right away. How does that sound?"

He relaxed his shoulders and nodded his head.

"That sounds good. I like that idea."

When he grabbed my hand to hold it, my heart melted a little bit. As much as he hated me for doing this to him, he still cared and he still wanted to hold my hand and make me feel special. And at that moment, I knew I was falling so hard for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keagan and I checked into a nice hotel that was about 2 miles away from the house he grew up in.

Unfortunately he didn't seem any less anxiety-ridden than before. He was still nervous and antsy.

I suggested that we take a short nap together but he refused. He said he couldn't even believe he got any sleep last night. All he could think about was what was happening. I didn't blame him, but I was worried.

I put my bag next to Keagans and sat at the edge of the hotel bed.

It wasn't as comfy as our bed, but it was close. I wasn't sure if we would stay the night, but we had to pay for the whole day/night so it didn't matter if we had to.

I was hoping that by some miracle everything would go smoothly and we would be staying at Keagan's... but it did not look like that was going to be the case.

Keagan sat down next to me and kept his hands in his lap as he looked at his feet. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just stayed sitting next to him and offered my hand; which he took.

He took in a deep breath before words came out of his mouth.

"He used to put his hands on my mom. For no reason, for any reason. When I was younger I didn't understand it really. But once I got a little older I realized he was beating on her. And when I got fed up with it I- I stood up for her. I told my dad he was no man for hitting her. That he had no right to put his hands on her like that. And then... he stopped beating her. And started beating me. Every fucking day. When he got home from work he'd just have it out with me. Slapped me, punched me, kicked me. Everything. Broke my ribs, fractured my arm; you name it. And to make it worse, my mother blamed me. Blamed me. Said I made him angry. Said I should have just kept my mouth shut. She just stood there and watched him hurt me day after day saying absolutely nothing to defend me. So..So that's why I was fucked up for so long Jamison. I never knew what love was because I was never taught what it meant. I never knew. I never knew anything other than that for so long so I had to get away from it. And I never looked back."

I couldn't stop myself from crying during this confession of his. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

The lump in my throat felt so heavy. I couldn't say anything.

All I could do was just hold him and rock him. What could I do?

And what kind of monster was I for making him relive this all over again?