My Roommate the Sex God

BACK AGAIN

Jamison 

I wasn't too excited about being forced to go back home to obtain my medical forms and whatnot. But I did miss my family, and Livvie so I guess it wasn't so bad. I usually make the best of bad situations so I wasn't going to dread the unnecessary trip or anything.

My mom was so concerned when she heard I was in the hospital but I reassured her multiple times that it was nothing serious and I was just stupid for taking my studies too seriously and forgot to eat and drink. Of course she gave me a big hug and told me that my health was way more important than any studying. I agreed with her, I just wanted to make her and my dad proud. College was a lot of work; way more than high school was. It seemed like I had a test and paper due every week. That wasn't really the case but it sure did feel like it.

At first I wanted to get my records and then just leave. I had more work to do for my classes and I had a test on Monday. But then I realized that it would be silly to come back home just for a day. I was going to stay the whole weekend and take a late-ish flight on Sunday back to school.

"Jamison, can I ask you something hun?"

I looked over towards my mom and shrugged my shoulders.

"Yea sure mom."

She pushed her dark black hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. She always did that, and my sister did too. They were so much alike. I bet I did that as well when my hair gets too long. It must be a Price thing.

"Why were you in such a hurry to go back to school over break? I know you told me you had stuff to do but... that couldn't have been the only reason. Or was it?"

I bit my lip. My mom wasn't dumb. She was actually really smart. She knew when something was up. And she was lucky that my dad wasn't around because if he was then I wasn't going to tell her the truth. I just couldn't. My dad was cool with my sexuality and everything but only to a certain extent. I wasn't about to make him uncomfortable about it, so I was glad that he was at work during this particular conversation.

"No it wasn't. You have an excellent talent for picking up on things," I said to her. "The truth is that I needed to go back. I wasn't welcomed here. Russ and I sort of fell out and I wanted to just leave."

Her hair fell back into her face but this time she left it.

"What do you mean?"

She sat up from the couch and moved closer to me. I knew she wanted to coddle me like I was a kid but she was restraining herself. She knew Russ and I were best friends so I knew why this information upset her almost as much as it upset me.

"It's complicated honestly mom. But he just decided that he didn't want to be around me anymore. Because I made him uncomfortable. I know what you're thinking- he's not homophobic so please don't think that about him."

She furrowed her eyebrows.

"Then I don't understand..."

I didn't know how to explain to her without saying all that happened. There was 0 chance that I was going to exploit my sex life to my mother so I had to take an alternate path, even if it was a little far from the truth.

"I guess he just wanted space, like more space than what was already there from me being away. I guess maybe he realized that not having me around wasn't that bad after all. Maybe he needs his own time instead him, me, and Livvie time."

"That's no reason to-"

I politely cut her off.

"I know. It's not a reason. But I respected his view of me and stayed away. He doesn't even know I'm back again."

"Well I think you should tell him, Jamison. This isn't right, you guys are best friends. Fix it."

I nodded. I did need to straighten things out with him, no pun intended. Things couldn't stay this way. Not with the holidays coming up and not with Russ' birthday coming up in a few weeks. I wanted my best friend back.

"You're right mom. I do need to fix it. He's being stubborn and unfair."

And with those words I went to go find Russ.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked to Russ' house and knocked on his door. I felt more comfortable knowing that his parents weren't home; their cars were never in the driveway.

He slowly opened the door and almost closed it in my face, but I pushed it back towards him.

"What are you even doing here? Please go away."

I slapped my hand on the door, just to make my point clear that I wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm not leaving until we talk. I promise I'll go, just give me 5 minutes Russ please."

He sighed and let me in finally.

His house always looked so un-lived in. Everything was just so, and no piece of furniture looked like it was ever sat on. I wondered how he got used to that; it was almost creepy.

"I'm back because I needed to get medical papers. I was in the hospital because I was dehydrated. But I'm here because I want to get to the bottom of this. I can't not talk to you. It's too hard. And it's really not fair to me, what you're doing. It's not and you know it."

Russ shook his head and smiled arrogantly.

"What I'm doing? I'm not doing anything. I asked you to stay away from me and here you are. Every time I see you it just reminds me of- things that I don't want to be reminded of and it's fucking difficult to see past it right now. You can't understand what I'm going through so please just accept what is and get out of here."

I hated that we were standing.

Russ was taller than me and I felt like he was speaking down to me more than just physically.

"You can't blame me, Russ. You were part of what happened too. But I'm not having the same exact conversation with you," I said to him, trying my hardest to look him in the eye. "But you have to accept the fact that you might have just been gay this whole time. It's not easy to accept; that I know because I have been there. But you can't eliminate me because you think I turned you. You know deep down that I didn't. I couldn't have. You're born the way you are. And it might be scary to realize but it's ok I fucking promise you it is. No one is going to hate you for this. No one is going to think anything differently of you."

He actually sat down.

He put his hands over his face and bent his back.

At first I didn't know what to do. But instinct kicked in and I sat down next to him, but not too close.

"I'm scared," he said.

And for a second I thought that maybe we'd have a breakthrough.

But then he cleared his through and came out of 'hiding' and said, "That was 5 minutes Jamison. You need to leave right now."

I said nothing more to him. I just got up and left like he asked me too.

I had no idea why this was so hard for him. He had the biggest support system and everything going for him. There was no reason for him to feel so internally conflicted. It didn't make much sense to me. But he was right about one thing. I didn't fully understand because I never questioned myself like he is right now. I never went through that. So maybe i can't relate. But I just wanted to be there for him. He was one of the closest people to me and I wanted him to know that he could trust me.

It definitely seemed like I had all the time in the world to think about everything on my walk back to my house, even though it didn't take me that long to get there. I didn't want to tell my mom that talking to Russ was a failure, so I just avoided her pretty much.

I felt bad about it, but I wasn't in the mood to vent to her.

In the worst way possible, I missed Keagan. He was my go-to person. He was my person. He was the one that I went to when I was happy, sad, angry, or confused. He helped me, and listened to me. I never met someone that was so good at listening. Because he may be a hardass but he isn't a dumbass. He knows the right thing to say, and he's really honest. Most people in this world are so afraid of hurting people's feelings that they lie to them just to they don't have to do that. Keagan never would lie to me. He's the type of guy to be like 'yeah I just sold all of my textbooks for beer money' and have no ramifications for it.

He was the best person to go to and he wasn't here.

Hey loser. When are you coming back? I have no one to eat dinner with, no one to fondle inappropriately, and no one to tell me if my ass looks good in certain jeans. So I like need you, and stuff. Wait fuck that, I just want to get drunk. Come backkkk

I laughed to myself.

It's like he knew I was thinking about him.

He's already drunk, I could tell just from the way he was texting me. He would never say those things. But they say drunk words are sober thoughts. So maybe he does like having me around.

Tomorrow night. Calm down you'll be fine. It seems like you're having a great time by yourself. Cuddle a pillow or something; same thing.

I smiled and laid down in my bed.

It was more comfortable than my dorm bed, but it was nothing compared to the times I slept in Keagan's bed. The nights I spent with him, just laying there and being close was amazing. So much different than the nights I shared with Russ, and that's saying something.

You're mean and I hate you.

I laughed again and turned over.

I really missed him. And I really liked him. A lot.

You can't live without me and you can't deny it!