Courage ✔

Chapter 11

Thorin stared tiredly at the rising sun. Two days had passed since Alyssae's departure, and since that moment, he had not slept a wink. Not only because he was afraid he wouldn't see Fili and her again, but also because increasing doubts were gnawing. How could he take care of a people if he wasn't even able to guide a group of fifteen persons from A to B? The hobbit had died, the wizard was gone – although he had never felt responsible for him – and the hope that Alyssae and Fili would return slipped through his hands.

Besides, the clock was ticking. When they did not reach Erebor before Durin's day, everything was lost, and those who passed away had died in vain. He loved his sister's son, but he could not leave his people in misery because he was waiting on a family member who was probably never coming back. He didn't want to give him up, but if there was someone who could find him, it was Alyssae. Her sight and hearing were much better than that of all of them and when she would find him, they would travel to Erebor anyway.

He pushed away the thoughts about the elf, which brought up a pain he instead ignored. He was not sure how he felt about her, but he considered her a full member of the group, even though it was hard to admit. He didn't know what was holding him back. Unless she proved to care about their wellbeing, she still was an elf, and it was hard to put his faith into her hands. He trusted her, but less than every dwarf around him. Furthermore, it was also some kind of self-protection. After all, when she would turn her back to them, she would crush many dwarf hearts – and, if he was honest, his own heart probably wasn't an exception. For that reason, it was better when he didn't attach much value to her.

It felt like she had a magical effect on the group. Since her departure, Bombur and Kili were sitting before the entrance to the woods, staring disheartened into the distance. Once in a while, Bombur let go of his tears, making Thorin feel very uncomfortable. He had searched the hinterland the last days, looking for a sign of Azog, who was without a doubt still hunting him. Being busy kept his disturbing thoughts away, even though they overwhelmed him as soon as he tried to catch some sleep in the night.

Yesterday Gloín had found some fresh footprints and had told him it wouldn't take long before they would be discovered. One reason more to leave on time. He would like to submit his decision to the others soon, but he dreaded their reaction in silence.

'We have to move on,' Thorin spoke when everyone was awake.

Kili looked at him in shock. 'What about my brother? And Alyssae?'

'The time is running out.'

'But we can't leave them behind.' Bofur glanced him upset in the eyes.

'We already did.' Fortunately, Dwalin supported him. 'Right now, we do nothing but waste our time.'

'They know where we are heading for,' Thorin insisted. 'We might encounter them on our way.'

'As if we can cross the woods without Alyssae's help,' Kili sniffed.

Thorin stared at his nephew for a long time. It was clear the young dwarf still blamed him for trying to beat down the elf. He didn't really care about Kili's thoughts since he hadn't experienced the fight that was going on in his head. He had been under a spell, and if there was anybody who regretted the fact he had attacked Alyssae, it was him. He wondered if she had forgiven him. Would she have said that when she whispered to him, right before she disappeared in the Mirkwood? He had thought about it for days, but he knew no elfish words and he hadn't dared to ask Balin. Maybe it turned out to be some kind of insult.

'Can't we travel around the woods?' Nori wanted to know.

Balin shook his head. 'We'll never reach the mountain in time.'