Courage ✔

Chapter 18

Thorin got hot when he heard those words, though he couldn't understand that he truly made her happy by just holding he. He retained the feeling that he had to say things to convince her he really cared about her, but he knew he would stutter when he tried.

When she released him, he saw there was still a tear in the corner of her eye. The lump in his throat came back immediately.

"This one is not caused by grief," she whispered when the tear rolled down her cheek. She kissed his forehead and her smile made him soft-hearted. He was startled by that sudden feeling and he was not sure whether he liked it or not. He took a step backward.

"I want to show you something, but it's too dark here."

Alyssae looked at him curiously and then stood up. They walked side by side, following the path. Occasionally their hands bumped gently and Thorin wondered if he had to hold her hand again. It had given him a nice and calm feeling, but he dared not to do it again.

He closed his eyes, cursing in silence because he grew tired of himself. He wished he didn't think about it so much and just followed his heart. When their arms collided again, he searched for her fingers and slipped his hand into hers.

Alyssae didn't look aside, but she squeezed his hand, so he assumed that she also liked it. He felt awkward, like a child who had to learn to walk and was afraid of stumbling over every bump.
From the corner of his eye, Thorin peered aside while wondering if she thought this was a nice evening. Had she preferred to go on the road with Bofur or Kili? Or Fili? Would she have kissed him again?

Moments later, they stopped at a peaceful lake. Thorin sat down in the grass and played a little insecure with the fingers of her left hand.

"What are you thinking of?"

Thorin looked away embarrassed. He felt there was still something he had to apologize for, but he was too ashamed of his fantasies to bring up the subject.

Yet he felt he had to do it and he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry that I looked at you," he muttered. "When the elf ... you know."

"When the elf undressed me?" she finished his sentence, grinning.

Thorin was afraid to look aside. "It just happened." His throat was dry. He would love to ...

He pushed the nails of his left hand into his skin.

"Well, what did you think of it?" Alyssae chuckled and she squeezed his hand. "You're so cute."

Thorin's eyes flicked sideways. Did she expect to get a serious answer?

"Well, it was okay," he murmured while the blood rushed to his cheeks. He dared not to admit that he could still see her if he closed his eyes, although his memory was surely willing to be refreshed when Alyssae would offer it - which of course she did not.

"It was okay?"

He carefully looked at her face. It was clear she found the whole situation amusing, while he really wanted to disappear because he felt so ashamed.

"It was beautiful," he whispered as he got so hot he would prefer to take a dip in the lake.

He felt her fingers rake through his hair. A defiant smile played on her lips and he felt he couldn't bear much more.

"If you take off your upper garments now, we're even."

Thorin stared at her dumbfounded. Did she mean it or was she only joking?

"Was that not what you wanted to show me then?"

Her eyes sparkled mischievously and Thorin was glad she suggested that he took off his coat of mail instead of his pants, since something swelled blatantly there and he didn't want Alyssae to be aware of that.