Courage ✔

Chapter 14

The barge tilted dangerously when Thorin grabbed the arm of the elf. He got the feeling that long fingers enclosed his throat, which squeezed slowly when her head disappeared under water. With danger for his own life, he also grabbed her other arm. The boat leaned over even more and a trickle of water slipped inside.

'Stay there!' he snarled to Bofur and Kili, who stood in the water. He knew they didn't trust him with Alyssae anymore – he didn't even trust himself – but they couldn't do more than he did and he didn't want to lose more people in this horrible wood.

He succeeded to get his arm under Alyssae's armpit and pulled her over the edge. Gasping for breath he gripped her middle. He just wanted to check her breathing when he realized the boat started to float faster. He let go of her, grabbed a peddle and rowed to the shore before they would end up in a rush and capsize.

Thorin needed all his strength to get to the others, but when he reached them he was blown away by a torrent of guilt.

Exhausted he let Kili push him aside, who lifted Alyssae from the barge together with Bofur. Kili looked so nagging at him that he looked away ashamed. He however fought the desire to walk away and observed in silence how Kili wiped away her soaked hair from her face, while he searched hopefully for respiration.

'What is wrong with you?' Kili burst out when he came to the conclusion she was in the same state as Dwalin: alive, but not in their world anymore.

His nephew stared furiously at him, but Thorin could find no words to defend himself. He saw the fearsome look in her eyes, over and over again, just before she was swallowed by the water. He had no idea what had come over him. He had thought she hadn't treated him with the respect he deserved, but after this, he didn't deserve anyone's respect or trust. It was never his intention to welcome her to eternal sleep and if he was honest, he had no idea what to do now.

Thorin knew Gloin was right when he snarled that Alyssae troubled his mind. He didn't dare to define his feelings, but the fact that he wasn't even able to hide his emotions for the rest of the world made him mad.

Since yesterday he knew the elf was too often on his mind. They almost died together, whereby they had been so close he hadn't been able to ignore his desire any longer, although he would never do anything with it. If she would awake someday, there would be another man who was waiting for her. Someone from her own race, just as it was meant to be.

He felt loaded because he had seen her almost naked. No matter how hard he tried to push the memory away, the image of her beautiful formed, full breasts appeared before his eyes without an announcement and it dried his mouth, burned his cheeks and made his manliness grow.

A reaction he was ashamed of, on this moment even more than before. He directed his sad eyes to Kili again, who was screaming at him. His words passed him completely.

'I didn't mean to...'

The words came out calm and collected, although he didn't know how, since he felt anything but calmness.

'We have to go on.' He wanted to go to her dead silent body to carry her, but Kili blocked his way. 'Stay away from her.'

'This is my fault,' he huffed. 'I have to carry her.'

Kili squeezed his eyes and shook his head. 'You almost cut off her arm and poisoned her, so it is better when you stay away from her.' His resolute glance met his. 'We will take care of her, without feeling like it's our duty.'

Thorin felt the vein on his temple pulsate and he clenched his fist. The condemnation of the others hung above him like a heavy thundercloud. He was afraid everyone had lost his fate in him – including himself.