Mom Texts
(The * are Moms)
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*please stop changing the google logo so much, I like the original one
Mom I don't change the logo. Google changes it.
*on my computer, you don't run google?
if I did I wouldn't drive a 2004 ford.
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I'll talk to you later my phone's dying
*Of what?
Cancer, Mom. My phone is dying of cancer. -_-
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*I packed you lunch today, it's in the fridge
Thanks ma
*Do not share your dick or it will explode everywhere
*I mean, your drink. It is very carbonated
Lol. Ok mom I won't.
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Hey sorry I missed your call... What's up?
*Hang on a second I am fucking your brother in bed.
Ew. Mom?! WTF?!
*Oh. I'm sorry, I meant tucking... This darn phone
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*You know I just figured what OMG met, what the heck is ttyl?
Talk to you later
*Oh.... Thought it was like, tiny tits you loser!
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*Get home NOW!! I found your porn collection and I am NOT HAPPY!!
Sorry, mom I was gonna get rid of it. Am I grounded?
*Oops, sorry honey I meant to send that to your father!
*WTF!!?!?? You have porn too? You are both in SERIOUS trouble!!
crap...
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Finally. You entered the digital age and got a smartphone!
How is it?
Mom?
Hellooooooo??
Why aren't you answering??
*Howdoyoudoaspace
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*What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
*Okay, I will ask your sister.
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*How make chicken
What?
*Where buy chicken
Mom this isn't google
*Avacoda
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He broke my heart, I dunno what I am going to do. I need advice mom.
*Honey, I am going to tell you what my mom always told me. If a man breaks your heart, fuck his best friend.
Nana said that?
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Hey mom!! Can I borrow $50??
*No!! Do you think money grows on trees?!
What's money made of?
*Paper.
And where does paper come from?
*....
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*Good morning beautiful
*XOXOXOXOX from your imaginary boyfriend
Thanks mom
<<<<<<<<<
Me and your father are going out this weekend, I left $100 hidden in your room for food. Tidy up and you'll find it.
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*Father's Day is coming and I heard your dad say he wants a new dick
*A new dick
*He said he wants a new dick
*Shit dick
A new shit dick. Got it. Thanks mom!
*I am calling you
*Why didn't you answer?
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I fucking hate you, seriously. I'm leaving.
*Its about time you grow up. Your father and I thought you'd never leave. You need to grow a pair of balls and get a girlfriend, too.
Sorry mom, that was for someone else.
Wait wtf mom?!
Fuck you too!
*I'm cooking your favourite for dinner tonight... Hamburgers... Love ya. Be home by 6
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Hey mom? Can I borrow some money?
*Do I look like I'm made out of money?
M: Made
O: Out of
M: Money
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*Moonocababa
Best first text ever Mom! What does it mean?
*Moonocababa
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(Saved the best one for last!)
*You know that song you like?
Which one?
*Sexy and you know it
Ya
*Well here's one for you.
*I walk inside your room and this is what I see, there's a condom on the floor and it's staring at me. I have a rage inside my stomach and I am not afraid to show it, show it, show it... You're grounded and you know it.
