Prenteng nakaupo sa sofa sa loob ng aking opisina si Leo. At dahil magkapatid sila ni Eonji ay hindi ko maiwasang maisip siya rito.
"My brother is devastated. No," Umiling siya. "Devastated is an understatement." Nahimigan ko ng kaunting galit ang boses niya.
Kumunot ang noo ko. How dare he!
"Excuse me? Devastated?" Pagak akong tumawa. "As far I could remember, it was your brother who walked out on me! He was the one who left! You sound like as if it was my fault!"
"That's why I'm here to clear things out. I care for my brother too much, Bourey. He's my only family and I do not want to see my brother that...broken." Aniya.
Humanga ako ng kaunti sa pagmamahal niya para sa kapatid niya. I understand that he cares for him. But to make it sound like it was my fault is beyond my understanding.
"Get straight to the point, Ablaza. I really don't want to affiliate myself to either of you from now on." Pinal kong wika.
Ngunit hindi niya yata naintindihan ang nais kong iparating dahil nagpatuloy pa rin siya.
"It is too hard for my brother, Bourey. You are his first love - "
Tumawa ako ng malakas. Isang tawang puno ng sarkasmo. "First love? Ako pa ang niloko ko? At his age?! C'mon Ablaza. Hindi ako tanga."
He sigh in exasperation. "You are. It's not my story to tell anyway. I was only stating a fact. Regardless if you believe me or not, I don't really care. The reason why I'm here is to actually ask you to take my brother back."
That rendered me speechless.
What?! Take his brother back? I don't know. He walked out on me the moment he knew the truth. He walked out on my life that day.
"He did it to himself, Leo. I can't do that, I'm sorry." Sabi ko.
Umiling siya. "You don't understand.." Naginit bigla ang ulo ko doon.
Ako pa ngayon ang hindi nakakaintindi? Sa lahat ng mga pinagdaanan ko at pagsubok na pinipilit kong intindin? Sa lahat ng nangyayaring ito? Ako pa?
"You. Don't. Understand." Wika ko, bawat salita ay may diin. "Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na hindi ko kasalanan yun! Siya ang umalis! Hindi niya tanggap ang katotohanan! Hindi niya tanggap ang nakaraan ko! Hindi niya talaga ako tanggap! Because admit it, it was only lust for him! He doesn't really love me! Because if he did, kahit na gaano pa kasakit at kahirap, mananatili siya!"
There I said it!
Can boys really love girls without sex? That question randomly pops on my mind.
What if, for Eonji, it was really only lust? What if he's mistaking it for love? Pwede namang mangyari iyon eh. Lalo na kung nasanay siya na ako ang kasama niya. What if he only needed companion? Ang sakit yata no'n.
Pero parang mas masakit yata kung biglang nawala ang pagibig. What if he really did love me? What if he just fell out of love? Baka nawala ang pagibig na unti unti pa lang umuusbong.
What if I really am his first love? Maraming nagsasabi na hindi naman talaga nakakatuluyan ang first love. Maaring sa libro o pelikula o sa kdrama o sa kahit ano'ng telenobela... Pero sa totoong buhay? Napakadalang lamamg mangyari.
"He only needed space, Bourey. He needed time. He needed to stay away. Tama ka, masakit para sa kaniya iyon. Masakit yon para sa kaniya dahil mahal ka niya. Nasaktan siya kaya nagpahinga lang siya. Because the truth is, he can't be really happy without you."
Namuo ang luha ko. Sa lahat ng sinasabi ni Leo ay nagkakaroon ng munting pagasa ang puso ko. Gusto kong umasa. I want to believe him. But my mind says otherwise.
