Poetry Feelings

twenty-five

to whoever loves me next.
i'm sorry if i'm afraid of you
or if days of flirting turn to
radio silence, without warning.
i'm sorry if i make you say the words
over and over and over until i believe them.

(i'm sorry if i don't believe them)

i will probably spend more time
worrying about losing you than i spend  trying to keep you. trouble is,
every single time i've ever thought
something was too good too be true -

i've been right.

understand,
i will know how to be vulnerable with you,
but i won't know how not to regret it.
and i have no idea how deep we'll be
into this relationship before i admit
i've never done this before.
not really.

not in any way that counts.

before i admit that i know
how to put my body inside someone else's
but not how to make it beautiful.
i probably won't be easy to love.
too many people loved me badly.
i'm not sure i know how
to do it right.