Black Coffee (Tara's Dream)|Dearest Diary, - Book 1 (unedited)

Chapter One

A/N

This book is written in the present perfect tense which may change as editing continues.

Dearest diary,

I feel so out of sorts with myself. It's like I am not me anymore. Everything feels so different and weird and I now realise that I do not like change. I am so used to being so mad and angry all the time and now that I don't have a reason to be, I feel so empty. It's like I nolonger have a purpose. My driving force is gone and I no longer have a reason to fight.

***

"Hey, What's up?" Troy asks stepping out of the cabin.

"Just thinking." I reply as my eyes gaze out at the orange sky and dark ocean at dusk.

"Take a walk with me."

I reach a my hand and he pulls me up to my feet. I locate my sandals and slip them on and all the while my hand is still held in Troy's grip.

"So, what were you thinking about?" he asks me as we start strolling along the beach and away from our three bedroom cabin.

" Life."

He turns to face me and I smile at a random thought.

"Hey, relax. You're supposed to be on holiday."

"You know me. That is like telling me to do the impossible. I can't just sit still and do nothing."

"You did, before you came here?"

I smile. I don't bother telling him that all that time, I was busy writing or thinking up a new plot to my many stories.

" So, hows work?" I reply, effectively changing the topic.

"It's great, but that's not what I want to talk about."  At that, my heart drops.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Us." He replies and looks into my eyes, smiling.

I breathe out a sigh of relief, glad that he has not backtracked to my favourite passtime.

"What about us?"

"I don't know. It just feels like there is so much to talk about, but so little time."

"Well, start somewhere."

"Okay, how about how we will make this work with the thousands of miles lying between us?"

"I am not coming back!"

"Attara..." Troy groans.

"No. Why do I get to be the one to make sacrifices?"

"Attara, I said no such thing."

"But you were implying it." I riposte pointing a finger at him.

"How would you know that? You are not in my head!"

"Fine. I am tired and I am going back."

Troy gives me an exasperated look, but I ignore him. I turn to face back the way we came, but he continues to grip my hand and hold me in place.

"Why are you so mad at me Attara?"

"I am not!" I snap back and I immediately realise that I have just proven his point.

"Attara..." he whispers, his free hand moving to cradle my face, but I look away. His fingers slowly graze my turned cheek and softly grip my chin, before turning it to face him.

"Attara...what happened to us? We were so great together."

"I got tired of living in your shadow."