Black Coffee (Tara's Dream)|Dearest Diary, - Book 1 (unedited)

Chapter Eighteen

Dearest Diary,

I feel so awkward, so weird so out of sorts and it doesn't even help that Troy is acting nice. He is like the perfect housewife preparing treats and what nots for me that I am actually wary of adding a little bit of padding.

Then there is that issue of that presidential award that Linda was telling me about. Turns out, she was telling me the truth. I received the letter yesterday and now I do not how to react to it.

Oh... Diary, what to do now!

***

"Hey, Your mum called. We are still going right?" Troy tells me but I do not turn to face him. My attention is not there and my thoughts are quite far or at least that is what he thinks. I am staring out into the private garden through the the set of living room glass double doorways and every time I think about that journey or meeting Monica, I feel myself cringing. I am not ready, no not yet. The pain she caused me is all to real and just because everyone expects me to does not mean that I will wake up one morning and become magically okay with it just because our family was invited over to her party.

"I don't want to talk about it." I tell him still looking away from him. His presence draws closer and from the heat that is emanating from his body I can tell that he standing quite close to me.

"Attara..." He tries that soothing thing that he does with his hands and I turn to face him feeling quite irritated.

"I said, I do not want to talk about it!" I explode in his face.

"...and we are not going too. I just wanted to find out what's up? You look a little tensed up. Is everything okay at work?"

I release an exasperated sigh and move to walk around him. He let's me and I keep on going.

" Tara?" he calls out softly and I turn to glare at him.

" Leave me alone Troy. " I snap back and stomp up the stairs his wounded expression gnawing at my insides as I head over to my room. As I close the door and sink into my beige pillows my mind is made up. I am not going. Collateral or not no one can pay me to be in the same room with that snake and as I think so I began planning my back story. My excuse as to why I will miss this event even after assuring my parents that they would see me there.

Then it hits me as a cynical smile makes its way to my face. How it had not occurred to me before,i do not know it, but was more full proof than meeting the president of this glorious republic? A happy sigh escapes my lips and I close my eyes my already thinking up the rest of my plan.

***

"So I surmise you are not going?" Linda grins back at me so wickedly that the Cheshire cat has nothing on her.

"I do have the presidential ball you know..."

"Yea right! And my name is not Linda! You are escaping, not that I am complaining but you my dear friend are a conniving escapist."

"I am sure that is not a thing." I point it out to her and Linda throws me a dirty look.

"You're the writer so don't bother me with what is what. Point is you get what I mean."

"sure! So what is the problem? You got what you want and I am happy!"

"Yea... But what does Troy think?" I shrug my shoulders before getting up to go behind my desk.
"You do not want to think about it." Linda calls out to me from the next sofa opposite the one I have just vacated. We are at my office. I am avoiding Troy and what better way to do that than hiding at work in my office. Eventually I know, I will have to go home, but I can always postpone for as long as possible. If I am lucky he won't even call me and I will find him fast asleep which we all know is unlikely.

"But Tara, you have a good guy, why do you torture him so..." Linda asks me and I do think about it for a while. It is something that as occurred to me before but I cannot help it. There is something, something that causes me to be mean to him...

"I don't know... Expectation maybe?" I say as I recall my last journey to the countryside. "Everyone expects me to settle down with him. It is like the unwritten rule and if it doesn't it must be my fault because he is all so good! I just... I just want to be with him because I chose to and not because it is required of me!" I explode after a moment of contemplation. "my own mother would take his side over mine. How can I not be jealous over that?"

"You know, most people would be happy that their family gets along with their better half." Linda tells me. "but I guess you do have a point considering the relationship with your mother..."

"it is not that bad..."

"but it is strained. Well, I won't complain since you ended up doing what I wanted, but do think about it. Nice men are really hard to come by." I shrug my shoulder not ready to be confronted or to even think about that truth.

"want to go out, for some shop therapy?" I ask her instead and she pulls her lips deep in thought.

"mmm... Why not, but you are driving." with that I smile as I gather my things and begin to head out for the door. Many thoughts cross my mind and with them the lessons from the last few months. Is this the kind of person that I want to be? Who does not follow through with her word or allows fear to dictate her? Yea yea... It is not fear I know. Unforgiven Esa and with it pride, that same old demon that had once plagued me. As realization sets in, I turn back to Linda with a thoughtful look on my face.

"You are going, aren't you?" I nod. She knows me too well and I do not know wethee to pleased or horrified by that fact.

"It is the right thing to do," I say turning my eyes back to the road. "My not going will just drag this whole thing with Monica and I believe it is not good for family spirit. I mean, if my mum can forgive her? Not that I have any idea how their friendship works but I owe myself that much. Bitterness can never be positive and I do not want to be so proud that I do not see what is cleary destroying me."

"Aaaw....when did you turn into a guru?"

I give her a look but she just laughs it off like she always does. I shake my head as I turn my eyes back to the road thinking hard of the huge apology that I owe Troy. "So much for swallowing my pride."

My right foots hits the fuel pedal and we are off flying into the highway.

Author's Note.
Next chapter update will be done on Dearest Diary book Two. In fact chapter Nineteen is already up. Please follow, read and vote and as always your feedback is always grately appreciated.

The link is ;
https://my.w.tt/l2jLQUELeY

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