DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES...

DREAMS AND NIGHTMARE. . Chapter 4

Anuj's POV.

"As ye believe, so shall it be done unto you"

Steve repeats this quotation from the Bible whenever I act like an insecure fool. He used to say, ''Whatever we believe we act the same. Believe in hell and hell exists for you, other then world is all heaven in itself. We are all God's creation and God lives within us. He knows only Good, Happiness and Joy.

"In the beginning, God created only Heaven and Earth. Hell doesn't exist for God. It's we humans who turn His heavenly place into something called 'Hell' with our limitations and beliefs.''

Whenever he recites his serene thoughts, I just hate myself more because deep down somewhere inside I know I am the 'Hell BELIEVER'. An ungrateful and dissatisfied example on the face of the earth who has never felt any joy or love, though my family loves me more then their lives but I've never felt any joy for their affection. I don't know, maybe because of what I was suffering through after she left me. 'Why she left me to stay with corpse of her memories?'

I have asked this question to myself whenever thoughts of her accidently cross my mind but I never get any answers which cools off the uninterrupted fire burning my heart. Maybe that's the reason my heart has been repellent to any feelings and made its own unwanted hell.

Right now I am having the same old hell feeling and I completely understand it's applicable here because I don't know any genius fool around here who can have heavenly feelings behind the bars. Now I really get how those animals feel in zoo cages, which I used to visit with my father in my prep days.

Ya but if we stick to that 'Feel Heaven' part, this place is way too peaceful if we accept to be the part of it in future, that is until we get hooded and hanged. In my case I don't have any doubts regarding this and I really don't care about whether I will be here till the last day of my life or out there, life will be same 'HELL' because I believe in it. But my family, what have they done to suffer through all this melancholic drama? Oh yeah how can I forget their horrendous crime ' To give birth to a useless crap? ' That's me.

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" Anuj! get up dear, you will be late for the office..."

No, I don't want to see another burning day light to make me realize I still have to suffer through my whole life as there is no way out. Sometimes I really wish I could sleep forever. A day when it doesn't matter which dreadful situation is waiting for me. I don't want to have to open these heavy burden loaded lids and stress myself. I think today is not the day that lucky curtain falls for me. My mother's yelling is strong evidence for it sometimes I try to hate her for interrupting my 'sleep forever' plan but I can't.

"Wake up baba your Shreya D is also here..."

My eyes fly open and in a few minutes I am out of my bed on my way to the bathroom which is attached to my small room. D, this early in the morning is not a good sign, not at least for me. The moment she got married to that money making Doctor I knew she would be in a great disaster some day and I was right. After two years of their marriage he got fired from the hospital from smuggling medicine supplies. Now that unemployed bastard is using my innocent sister as his credit card.

I get ready as soon as possible and enter the living room where my father is accompanied with my sister with a cup of tea and a newspaper. My Father is someone we can count on as an inspiration. He is a hardworking cashier in a private bank and with his small little job he accomplished to win against each and every necessity of his family and let me point out unconditionally. I can say that because I have been the biggest disappoinment to my father. He never left my side and he always encourages me with a simple sentence, " Don't worry, I know my son very well and he will be kick ass next time." But every time someone else kicks my ass, even yesterday only I did the same.