Five Years Later

Chapter Sixteen: The Vows

The cell was just as dark and cold as Cas remembered it to be.

They had been thrown in about an hour ago, and Negan graciously had allowed the light within the prison to be turned on so that Cas and Dean were able to see each other. So far, the two of them had been sitting on the cement floor facing one another since the door closed and locked in Negan's wake.

Shadows danced in the corners of the room and they chose to sit in the heart of it all, lit from the single lightbulb that dangled precariously from the ceiling above. Their breathing echoed against the walls—Cas was breathing intentionally slow, controlling the fear that pulsed through him, and Dean's was labored and painful.

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean was shaking, his arm wrapped around his knees, which were pulled up against his chest. "It's all my fault..."

"Dean." Cas took a deep breath, the musty and dank perfume of the cell rising to greet him. "It's not. If anything, we are going to share the blame. But this is for the best. We don't have to live without one another—we don't have to watch each other die."

"It doesn't matter." Dean glanced away, his eyes trained on a nearby shadow. The darkness in the cell felt as though it was closing in—perhaps the lightbulb was fading. "If I wasn't sick, if I hadn't scouted and been spotted... we could still be free and alive."

"We are alive." Cas kissed Dean's forehead, only to be met with indifference. "That's the thing, Dean. We don't have much time left, but we're alive now. What do you want to do about it?"

"I want to apologize." Dean blurted. "I want to tell you how sorry I am for all the ways I have screwed up in the last five years, and every time before that. I want you to love me the same way you used to. I want to fix what I broke."

"We." Cas reminded him. "What we broke. And I do love you, Dean. I have loved you for so long that I forgot how much I did until last night. Negan filled me with so much hate and anger—don't get me wrong, I am very much to blame for that. While he tempted me with it, I took it willingly and allowed him to poison me with all that pent aggression. I didn't know what to do when you got here. I felt like it was God trying to torture me with the memory of a man I used to love because I couldn't break through the shield of hate to get through to what I was feeling. I didn't know how to tell you, Dean, but I still love you just as much as I used to; I don't feel worthy of your love anymore, not one bit of it, but I am trying to be."

"Cas—" Dean started, but Cas cut him off with a quick kiss to the cheek.

"I have already forgiven you for the worst you have done, and I love you for all of it." Cas smiled. "Let me love you, Dean. We are running short on time."

Dean leaned forward, balancing on his knees, and gazed at Cas in wonder, as though he couldn't believe he could be forgiven for all of the pain he had inflicted and endured.

Cas could see every freckle on Dean's face, which was paler than ever before. They stood out like roses in a field of sunflowers, and he loved each one. Dean's eyes were that same bright green they had always been, but now they glistened with warm tears that spilled down his cheeks and onto the cement floor beneath them.

"I love you." Dean whispered, taking Cas' hand. "I forgive you."

"I love you." Cas closed his eyes and paused for a heartbeat, savoring everything that they had and everything that Dean was so that he would never again forget. As he was sitting there blindly, trying to memorize the way Dean's hand felt in his, Dean kissed him and it was as sweet as Cas had remembered it to be. There they sat, in the fading light of Negan's cell, together for the first time in five years.