Owned [ON HOLD]

Chapter 8.2

"Alex.."

"Rose.." Our faces were inches apart. "Push me." He whispered in my ear softly. His hot breath brushed through my ears and I could've sworn I felt all my hair rise.

"A-ano?"

"Push me away, goddamn it." He cursed under his breath. My mind was too clouded from all these action going on right now.

"Ipakita mong ayaw mo talaga sakin." Ulit niya, his voice sounded like it was begging. "Itulak mo ko."

Why the fuck is he saying these things?

"Alex, may lagnat ka! Magbihis ka na!" I grabbed his collar, at marahan siyang niyugyog. He's completely lost his cool. "You're uttering nonsense!"

Hindi siya kumibot kahit kaunti man lang, "Kung ayaw mo sa akin," he trailed off. "Itulak mo ko." He voice cracked. Parang binasag ang puso ko sa narinig. "I'll stay away forever."

Why is he telling me what to do? Ano ba ang gusto niyang mangyari? Ni hindi ko na nga maintindihan yung mga kinikilos niya. His actions are always a mystery to me and I can't predict what's behind everything he does.

Gusto niya ako, pero pinapalayo niya ko? What does he mean? It doesn't make any sense at all.

Pareho kaming nasasaktan sa mga nangyayari. If we parted and never gave this a chance, we'll live our lives na laging may kulang. But if we did give this a shot, the people around us will hurt us. Our lives will be full of judgments and people will criticize us as long as we're together.

For me, I can't just see ourselves living the typical life of a normal couple. The idea of Alex and I together was a risk to take. Things will get a lot harder for us, it could break us much more than we are now.

That's what I'm fucking terrified of. Bringing us together will also mean breaking us apart. Fuck that irony.

But, a part of me was willing to take that risk. Fuck everything and do whatever makes you happy. That's what life is about. It's all about taking risks and not letting any fear consume you.

What if I just be with Alex without worrying about anything? Would it be a lot easier?

I can't decide. But one thing I know, kailangan na naming mag-usap.

Maybe, it's time we talk. I. Can't. Stand. It. Anymore. I'm going to talk to him right here and right now. It's now or never.

"Why aren't you pushing me away?" A hint of hope flashed across his face. By now, I know he already understands me.

I didn't want to push him away.

"Alex.. Magbihis ka na." Mahina kong sinabi, "Mag-uusap tayo."

No reaction. But gladly, humiwalay na siya sa akin at nagpunta na sa banyo. It only took a less than 3 minutes when he finished. After that, hinayaan ko na siyang mahiga sa kama niya. He need not to worry about the wet spot on his bed where he laid down, I already got it covered.

Alex's eyes showed how tired he really was. He wasn't feeling any well at naramdaman ko ang mas lalong pag-init niya even after he took a quick hot shower. Dinampian ko na lang siya ng malamig na tubig gamit ang isang towel. I covered him with with the comforter. I swore he was having chills dahil medyo nanginginig siya ngayon.