The Dark Days

Chapter 3

We just sat there, looking at each other. Holding on to each other. Like there was nothing else worth holding on to.

"I'm sorry." he said, his words coming out raspy. His throat dry and rough from not being used.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I replied, my own voice sounding foreign. I was so used to the quiet.

"I shouldn't have come here. I'm making this harder on both of us." he whispered, as if regretting breaking the silence.

"Nothing could possibly make this any harder." I whispered.

"Can you believe it?"

"Believe what?"

"Summer is already half over."

"I know, we leave for college soon."

"I'm not sure how to feel about that." he said, looking in to my eyes, and I could tell, he was telling the truth.

"I'm nervous, being so far away from home scares me."

"Being away from you scares me."

My eyes grew wide the second the words left his mouth. He looked in to my eyes, but only for a moment. Then he took his arms from around me and placed them between us, averting his eyes down to his hands.

"Louis..." I spoke, barely loud enough for me to hear myself. He slowly looked up to meet the pleading look of my eyes with one of his own.

"I miss you Louis." His arms slowly snaked their way back around me.

"15 years. We've been friends for 15 years Louis. To have that all stop in one day..."

A single tear found its way down my cheek before dripping of my chin and onto his chest.

"This has been the hardest month and a half I have ever gone through."

It was my turn to bring my hands back and look down at them.

"Peyton?" His voice surprised me and I brought my eyes back up to his.

"I know its been hard, it certainly hasn't been easy for me either. But I don't know what to do. I don't know what you want."

"You know what I want Louis? I want my bestfriend. No. Actually, I want my boyfriend back-"

"Peyton..."

"No! Louis, let me talk! I want my boyfriend back. The boy who loved me. The one who always promised he would never hurt me. But I know I can't have that. Ever. I can never have that back. And that kills me. That is what I want. But you know what I need? I need my bestfriend back. You have been the only person I truly trusted for the past 15 years, and I need you back in my life."

I finally stopped my rant and when my eyes reconnected with Louis's I realized I had, once again, made him cry.

"I'm sorry Louis. I shouldn't have said that! I-"

"No. Don't apologize." he cut me off.

"But you need to know something Peyton." he paused and I nodded my head, urging him to continue.

"The past 15 years have been wonderful. And I have loved every second of it! Especially the past 4 years. They have been the best years of my life. I want you back but I know it will make it worse when we leave for college if we get back together now!" His voice had been gradually getting louder until he was on the verge of yelling.

I felt the tears, threatening to spill out. His words hurt.

I quickly pushed his hands away and moved out of his embrace. Scrambling away from him I stood up and walked towards the opposite side of the room. He was quick to follow, grabbing my arm and pulling me back towards him. I was struggling trying to get him to release my arm from his grip.

"Peyton. Stop."

I was desperate to get away from him. I was frantic, pulling on my arm and crying.

"Babe, please stop!"

That is when it happened. My heart, my mind, my body could take no more. I collapsed on the ground, arm limp in his hold, returning to my sitting position. Knees brought up, and the arm I had control over hugging them closer. I felt strong arms around me again, lifting me up. He was carrying me.

Then I was laying down on my bed, and being covered up with my blankets. Yet I was still cold. I already missed the warmth of his arms around me. Even under all of these blankets, I was shaking with cold.

"Peyton. Please calm down." He spoke. But I couldn't. How can you calm down when you are losing the person you have been in love with for so long? The person you have always been the closest to?

I was running short of breath from all the crying. I was hyperventilating. Suddenly I was sat up in my bed, my face cradled in his hands, as he climbed up to sit in front of me, atop my thighs.

"Hey...stop. Shh...calm down Peyton. You need to breathe."

As my breathing finally began to even out he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close once again. My breathing began to slow almost immediately.

After a few minutes, which passed all too quickly, he slowly pulled himself away until our faces were even.

"Are you alright?" he asked, returning to his whispering. I simply nodded before lying back on my bed, before motioning for him to move from his position on top of my legs.

Once he moved to the other side of my bed I curled up on my side like I always did. I faced away from him, lying on my right side as I pulled the blankets up around my shoulders in an attempt to stop my shaking. I wasn't just shaking because I was cold. No, I was shaking because I had once again been held by him, and I gave myself false hope in the short amount of time he held me.

But I was also, once again, shaking because nothing can warm me up like his arms. As I closed my eyes and thought back to all of the best parts of the past 15 years I had spent with Louis I could feel the bed shifting as he slowly laid down behind me.

"I'm sorry...for everything." he said, slowly, quietly, just barely loud enough for be heard, and I could hear it in his voice. He is desperate, and I know what he needs. He needs to hear me say that it is okay. That every he has done to hurt me doesn't matter anymore.

I know that he desperately needs to hear me say all of this and more. It's easy. Just 2 words. To make all of his pain stop.

But I just can't make myself say it.