The Dark Days

Chapter 4

That is how we spent the 4th of July. Me curled up, under my blankets, facing away from him. And him, right beside me, on his back, silently letting his tears fall. I could hear them, along with his uneven breathing and sniffles.

It was killing me knowing I could make his tears stop but something was stopping me from getting the words out.

Why couldn't you say it? What is wrong with you?

Eventually his crying tired him out and he fell asleep. I could hear the fireworks beginning so I opened my window and I climbed out to sit on my roof, where me and Louis always watched the fireworks together.

I miss those days. This is where Louis and I became the best of friends, the place Louis first promised me he would never hurt me, the place Louis first told me he loved me, and finally the place Louis asked me to be his girlfriend.

I began to hum, the song I feel perfect for this moment. My escape has always been music...

Quietly I began singing, the words meaning way more in this moment than ever before.

"Do you remember what he said? I do, he told you, he'd never ever hurt you.

Oh, here we go again. Another break-up, make-up, when you gonna wake up?

I'm gon' be the one to call him out. Look how many times he let you down. When's he gonna learn to be a real man?

I'll be the one and say you're beautiful. One word he'd never said at all.

I'm just sayin' you need to go forget that boy, forget that boy. I know a bad boy ain't good enough for you.

You're holding back tears in your eyes, bad boy wanna fight, but I never see him fighting for you.

He'll never realize what he's got until it's gone, and he'll lose you forever.

Girl, you'll be alright, forget that boy..."

I stop singing when I hear the movement from my bedroom. The blankets moving, footsteps, and now he's climbing out here. After he sits beside me we share a moment of silence, before he broke it.

"That isn't true, is it? The small sniffle at the end of his question let me know he took the song to heart.

" Well, not completely. I mean, we both know this isn't going to just be a break-up then make-up type of thing. You did call me beautiful. And you aren't a bad boy. Of course I don't mean the part about you always wanting to fight, and you were always the first one to stand up and fight for me. We both know, if anything, I don't deserve you!"

"That is not true and you know it Peyton!" Ignoring him I continued.

"But I mean when I said I remembered you telling me you'd never hurt me. Now I know that was a dream and I need to wake up from it. Looking back, you didn't really let me down that much, but I really do need to forget you. They always say, 'You never know what you have until it's gone.' and I found that out the hard way this summer. Yes, I am holding back the tears in my eyes, but I will be alright. And you'll lose me, you will lose me. Forever."

When I finished I took a deep breathe in before turning to face him. As the fireworks continued above our heads we sat there, just the two of us, letting my words sink in.

We both knew this break-up would be hard, but I don't believe either of us could have predicted this. Tonight made everything better yet it made everything worse.

Finally he spoke again, but I don't know if what he said helped or not.

"I've always heard the saying, 'If you love somebody let them go, for if they return they were always yours, and if they don't, they never were.' but I never thought it would apply to me. And now it does, because you just let go of me." he said.

"Louis...I..."

"No it's fine. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine too...eventually." he spoke, cutting me off and breaking my heart a little more with each word he said.

"There's a difference between goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is 'I'll see you again when I'm ready to hold your hand, and when you're ready to hold mine.' Letting go is 'I'll miss your hand. I realized it's not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again...' I know this feels like letting go, but I really hope it is just goodbye." I told him this in hopes of not only decreasing the hurt but I knew this was something we both needed to hear.

"Just in case this is goodbye can I do the usual goodnight?" He questioned, immediately reminding me of all of the nights where I would fall asleep to Louis singing any song I requested. I would fall asleep before the end of the song, without fail.

I loved his singing, and my favorite nights where when we would sing together, out here on my roof.