Among the Asgardians (deleted scenes)

Big Balls (Kathryn's Wedding)

A/N: This is the start of a series of one-shots that represent some of Tony's DJ antics at Kathryn's wedding. I didn't have the room to put them in Goddess, but I had a ton of ideas. Enjoy!!!! Oh, and the song is posted to the side. I'd suggest you listen to it either before or during the singing of it in the One-shot.

Tony bobbed his head in time with the music. He was enjoying this gig as the DJ at Kathryn’s wedding a bit too much. He had had several complaints that his music was too bouncy and there weren’t enough slow songs. But no one had heard his secret weapon yet. He knew how to throw a party, that much was certain. Noticing that the current song was almost at its end, he stroked his beard thoughtfully. There was the one song he’d taught them all to sing about a month after everyone found out Kathryn was pregnant. It was one of the few days in all that time that everyone had smiled. “JARVIS, find me Big Balls by ACDC,” he ordered.

“Right away, sir,” JARVIS answered. “However, sir, I must register my concern. Is such a song appropriate for a wedding?”

Tony laughed. “Just play the song, J.”

Suddenly, silence echoed across the hall. Then, the beginning chords began to play. “Okay, guys!” Tony called across the mic. “Karaoke time! I’m going to sing a little song I taught the rest of the Avengers a while back. You guys get the background, okay? Kathryn, this means you.” Tony took a big breath and began.

 “Well I’m ever upper class high society, God’s gift to ballroom notoriety. And I always fill my ballroom-the event is never small-the social pages say I’ve got the biggest balls of all”

Maria sniggered in a corner. This song was too perfect for Tony. Meanwhile, Jacob pressed his palm to his face. He loved Stark, but this was ridiculous.

“I’ve got big balls,” Tony crowed. “I’ve got big balls. And they’re such big balls, and they’re DIRTY big balls. And he’s got big balls,” he said, pointing to Steve, “And she’s got big balls,” he said, pointing to Natasha.

“BUT WE’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!” Every Avenger crowed.

Tony continued as the entire crowd laughed so hard they rolled on the floor. “And my balls are always bouncing, and my ballroom always full. And everybody comes and comes again!” Tony shouted. “If your name is on the guest list, no one can take you higher. Everybody says I’ve got GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!” he shouted, tipping his head to the sky and shouting at the top of his lungs. “JARVIS, you know the refrain!” he shouted.

JARVIS took over. “I’ve got big balls, oh I’ve got big balls. And they’re such big balls, dirty big balls. And he’s got big balls, and she’s got big balls…”

“BUT WE’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!” the entire crowd shouted, getting into the spirit.

But Tony wasn’t done. “Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress. But when they’re held for pleasure, they’re the balls that I like best. My balls are always bouncing! To the left and to the right. It’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night. Sing with me!”

The crowd joined Tony. “We’ve got big balls! We’ve got big balls. We’ve got big balls, DIRTY BIG BALLS! He’s got big balls,” Tony cried, pointing to Bruce. “She’s got big balls!” he yelled, pointing to Kathryn whose face was red with laughter. “BUT WE’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!” He shouted with the crowd. “EVERYBODY!”

“WE’VE GOT BIG BALLS! WE’VE GOT BIG BALLS!” the crowd chanted.

“And I’m just ITCHING to tell you about them,” Tony said smoothly as the crowd continued chanting.

“DIRT BIG BALLS!”

“And we have such wonderful fun,” Tony crooned in a woman’s voice. “Seafood cocktail. Crabs! Crayfish!”

“BUT WE’VE GOT THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!”

Tony winked at Clint, who began to change the chant. “Bullock suckers! Bullock suckers!” he shouted, until the crowd began to join in. They didn’t stop until the next song came on.

Tony grinned eagerly. Mission accomplished. No one was bored anymore, thanks to a little ACDC. And they said he was a bad DJ.