My Love but Not My Mate

Chapter 1

‘...’ – speech in wolf form

“...” – speech in human form

My Love but Not My Mate

   “There is a battle of two wolves inside us all...

            One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego.

            The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.

            The wolf that wins? The one you feed.” - Cherokee Proverb

Chapter 1

   Keeping my head as low as possible so that my ears just appeared over the dry grass, I eyed my prey. I waited for the opportune moment as the fawn and its mother turned their backs to me. I leapt out of my crouching position and, opening my mouth wide, crashed into the side of the baby deer so to wind it. The mother called out but I growled and she bounded through the woods with grief of her lost offspring.

   Turning my attention back to the kicking fawn, I bit into the neck without a second thought until it stopped squirming. Now it was dead, I could finally feed without being disturbed or that’s what I had hoped.

   ‘Well done, Layla. That’s five today for us all.’ It was Alpha. As much as I wanted to snarl at him and say this was mine, I had no choice but to give up my prize. He trotted over with his dark, evil eyes staring down at me. ‘Clean yourself up and we’ll head back. Harvey, pick this up,’ he ordered, pointing at the corpse under my paw. ‘Layla, follow me.’

   I was not amused, nor was I up for being told what to do. ‘That’s not fair! I caught it.’

   That pissed him off. He turned and lunged at me, nipping at my shoulder with a snarl. I yelped and dropped to the ground as he leaned over me. I had to submit to him, I had no choice. ‘I’ll give you not fair. We share everything, it doesn’t matter if you caught it or not. Am I clear?’

   In a huff, I replied. ‘Yes, Alpha,’ I said in submission and licked his chin as was custom for someone in my position.

   I heard the sniggering muffles from the rest of the pack and I hung my head in humiliation all the way back to our nearest camp.

   I sat nipping at the muscles of the leg I’d been given from Alpha, and licked off the blood from my muzzle and teeth. Throwing the bone away, I curled up and listened to the quarrels that the pack had among its members.

   ‘Layla, I need to have a word with you,’ came Alpha’s deep voice behind me.

   Grumbling to myself, I got up and followed him further into the trees away from camp; feeling all the eyes of everyone else on me, I bowed my head again and tucked my tail between my legs.

   Alpha stopped, as did I and I waited for him to start grinding down my already humiliated self. It didn’t come; instead he altered his form and stood in a dominating stature.

   “Change,” he ordered.

   I hated doing this, being my human form. It meant he could get his paws, or rather hands, around me and hurt me in a way that he couldn’t do when he was as a wolf. Although the biting and ordering hurt me, it was nothing to the torment he gave me when we were human.

   We were what humans called werewolves, but we didn’t have a name for ourselves. We were just what we were; wolves with the ability to change shape to that of a human. It was something that our ancestors long ago developed their minds to do (and somehow possessed the power to appear clothed). The main reason was so that they could discuss with the humans and persuade them that we did not attack and eat their livestock, and that we wished they would stop hunting and shooting us.

   That was the only good side of being a shape shifting wolf. The bad side was that the expressions that we could now see and convey were more complex and affective.

   Changing into my human form, I kept my head bowed and crossed my arms in front of my chest, trying to create some sort of shield around me that he would not cross though deep down I knew he would.

   I felt him stomp over to me, and his fingers gripped at my chin and forced my head up so he could maliciously stare into my eyes. Cowering in his grip, I shivered where I stood; my hands had now dropped to my sides.

   “You really need to watch what you say around everyone else, Layla. You know I can’t be seen for favouring you over those above you.” As silly as he might have sounded, we both knew it wasn’t about the deer at all.

   I shook my head in his hand, to which his grip tightened and my jaw started to ache. His eyes were narrowed to slits and his eyebrows were so close together that they almost looked like one across his forehead. It would be true to say I was scared but it would be false to say I wanted to push him away and hide in a bush some twenty miles away.

   I took his hand off my jaw and placed it, with his other, on my waist. Forcing me towards him, he pushed his lips hard on mine. I felt like screaming, my head already was but after a second I finally relinquished to his will and went a little limp in his grasp. His lips were hard and strong but I prevailed through it with tightly shut eyes. My hands had placed themselves into his forearms and I scratched my nails down the length of them. As much as my self-conscious mind wanted to make him release me, my subconscious, obedient self was stronger and controlled my lips to move with his.

   There was that anchoring feeling deep inside my chest, it clutched around my heart and coupled me to him in a way that no one else would ever be. He was my mate, and I was his; and there was no way that anyone could step between the link that two wolves, such as us, shared.

   When it happened, the connection between us, I was not very high up in the ranking of our pack. I never even wished to be mated to anyone, let alone the Alpha. The worst part of all was that he had refused me for near two years until he realised that I was definitely his mate and there was nothing he could do to change it. My parents cried due to the trouble that would inevitably rise up with being the Alpha’s mate. As much as we had hated each other, we got on with being mates and that was the end of it.

   My lips remained on his, but I had started to back up and try to find a tree I could lean against. My hands touched the rough bark of one and I stopped when my back was clamped to it by Alpha pushing me into the trunk. His lips became harder and his teeth had taken ahold of my lower lip. His hands tightened on my waist and I felt my heart being crushed as his instincts almost took control of his mind.

   The link that we shared also connected us in a sort of telepathic way. If he needed me or was ordering me to return home after a long run or hunt, all he had to do was think of me and I would automatically feel the effects of that anchor round my heart and knew I needed to get back home.

   He released me as suddenly as he had taken me. And he stood there in front of me.

   “I hope that reminds you of what I can do,” he said with a sneer. His index finger brushed aside some strands of my jet black hair that framed my face, out of my eyes. “Just watch what you say in the future.” He shifted, I followed suit and we walked our way back to camp. Keeping by my side, he licked at my muzzle and said I still had some blood that I had missed from dinner.

   Back at camp, I found my mum, dad and brother and went to sit with them. My brother was still young, only three years and he still had no idea how this mating thing worked. I felt sorry for him, I sometimes got upset when I saw him bounding about as free as I used to knowing what awaited him any year from now.