My Love but Not My Mate

Chapter 18

‘...’ – speech in wolf form

“...” – speech in human form

Chapter 18

   Changing to my human form, I stood up and leant against a tree. Shoulders shaking as I sobbed, I stood there and cried. It was sometimes better to be upset in human form, as the emotions seemed much more natural and were stronger which made them run out quicker instead of lasting as long as they sometimes do when in wolf form.

   A hand touched my shoulder and I became paralysed as I stood there; I didn’t know whether to turn around or speak or anything, I just stood there against the tree.

   In my silence, his arms wrapped around me and his head rested on my right shoulder; the motion of his chest against my back settled me and my eyes dried as quickly as they’d teared up. He rubbed his cheek against mine and whispered in my ear to calm me more as my body was still a bit shaky. “Lay, I’m sorry you had to see that, but you know as well as I that it will take awhile for your dad to trust me like mine trusts you. He hasn’t met me before and I’m not one of his pack. You remember how much everyone watched you closely but without talking to you?” I nodded with a sniff. “Well it’s for the same reason that your dad is harsh on me.”

   I took his hands in mine and turned around so my body faced him but I kept my head pointed to the ground so I didn’t have to look in his eyes. “I don’t like to see you close to another fight, especially with my dad and my pack.” He touched his forehead to the top of mine. “When I first met your pack, I was so quiet and kept to myself because I didn’t want to be noticed or get in the way of any of your family or friends and give them a reason to attack or banish me. I need to be a part of a pack; I was so depressed when I was alone.” Lifting my head, I tried to smile but I was still too upset for it to be convincing enough. “But when I met you I was happy that I wasn’t alone anymore, even if it did mean being with a stranger who could possibly kill me at any moment, and...”

   My voice softened to a whisper and then even more to nothing as his lips came closer and closer to mine; when I finally felt the touch of his lips, each breath was barely a second of drawing air into my lungs and my whole body was buzzing with a mix of adrenaline and lust. Forcing the muscles in my arms to tense so my arms remained straight by my sides, I let him kiss me without so much as a flicker of my own lips. Every inch of me wanted to pounce on him and dig my nails into his skin so he wouldn’t dare leave me; but no, I held my ground and let the adrenaline burn away before I let my lips follow his and my hands find his somewhere on my body.

   “What’s wrong?” he asked during a small pause so he could take a breath.

   “Nothing,” I replied hesitantly. My hands gripped tight near the hem of his shirt and his were pushed onto the trunk of the tree I was still leant against.

   He moved his lips to my cheek and kissed me on my flushed skin once before looking wonderfully into my eyes with his glorious hazel ones. With the touch of his palm on my other cheek came the end of my lusting drive and I no longer had the urge to jump at him. The amount of adrenaline that had built up, even though it had now worn off, still left a sickening feeling in my stomach; drawing a deep breath in and closing my eyes, I focused on controlling my inner spasms.

   “Layla?” he spoke, his tone was seriously concerned. Before he tried to make me talk, I raised a hand and tightly gripped at the chest of his shirt while shaking my head.

   The aching gone, I opened my eyes and looked at him gently. “I’m ok, Blake. Just felt a bit sick,” I explained without sounding too grossed out.