Saudade (Published under Indie Pop)

Chapter 30: Under the Moon

Chapter 30: Under the Moon

"He was so heartless! How could he be so heartless?" I said when my tears subsided and all that was left on me were my swollen eyes and a pink nose. Owain, who seemed to be a little bit uncomfortable, stayed with me at the corner of the deck. He probably wasn't used to someone spilling her emotions in front of him.

"He's telling me not to let the Pirate World change me but why would he let it change him? I don't know him anymore. He's like a complete stranger with the face of someone I love." I managed to wipe the tears that were threatening to fall again and continued, "He said he would protect me. He even bragged about being the Skull so no one could harm me. But look at what he's doing right now. He wants me to do something so evil and I have to refuse it. I must never let that happen."

Owain shifted on where he stood uneasily. Whether he regretted staying with me and listening to my troubles, it didn't matter. I just wanted to voice out this pain rotting inside me.

"Uh, I don't think I am the right person you should talk with about this. Wait here and I'll call Erasmus."

He was about to leave when I grabbed his leg and stopped him. I looked up with sadness in my eyes and said, "Is it really that hard to stay with me? You didn't have to talk or sympathize with me on my situation. I just want someone who can listen."

He stared at me intently. He seemed to be swayed by the way I looked at him and hold on to his leg. Seriously? Why did no one want to be on my side? I thought he would just pull his leg from my grip and leave me in my own misery. But to my astonishment, he joined me on sitting on the floor and waited for the things I was going to say. This certain act surprised me and caught me off-guard. It was then my turn to become uncomfortable.

"Well, if you're busy then –"

"But I don't need you to pity me," I said.

"But you are pitiful. You're saying that you hate the Skull for treating you like garbage in the sea. You hate how the person you knew years ago turned out to be. You hate his decisions and his visions of things. You probably hate everything about him right now. But look at you; you seem to have no capacity of leaving him after all. How pitiful!"

I wanted to defend what I was feeling but I couldn't find the right words to redeem myself. My mouth was left agape and I stared at him like he just put a large mirror in front of me to see my own reflection. He was right. And I hated him, too, because he was right.

"Because I love him," I silently uttered. And it wasn't to defend myself.

He sighed exasperatedly, probably frustrated of my stupidity. "Loving him means getting hurt over and over again," he said.

I was aware of that. If only it was that easy to love and not love someone. "Have you ever fallen in love?" I asked.

He seemed to be surprised at my question. He didn't answer right away so I continued speaking, "Because you'll only understand how I'm feeling right now once you fall in love."