The Hunchback of Adventure Bay

You will not go

Humdinger: Good morning, Tracker.

Tracker: Ah--um, good...morning, master.

Humdinger: Dear boy, whomever are you talking to?

Tracker: My...friends.

Humdinger: I see. (He taps Rubble on the head.) And what are your friends made of, Tracker?

Tracker: Stone.

Humdinger: Can stone talk?

Tracker: No, it can't.

Humdinger: That's right. You're a smart lad. Now...lunch.

(Upon hearing the word, Tracker goes off and retrieves a table setting--a silver chalice and plate for Humdinger and a wooden cup and plate for himself.)

Humdinger: Shall we review your alphabet today?

Tracker: Yes, master. I would like that very much.

Humdinger: Very well. A?

Tracker: Abomination.

Humdinger: B?

Tracker: Blasphemy.

Humdinger: C?

Tracker: C-c-c-contrition.

Humdinger: D?

Tracker: Damnation.

Humdinger: E?

Tracker: Eternal damnation!

Humdinger: Good. F?

Tracker: Festival.

(Humdinger spits out his drink at the incorrect response.)

Humdinger: Excuse me?

Tracker: Forgiveness!

Humdinger: You said...festival.

Tracker: No!

Humdinger: You are thinking about going to the festival.

Tracker: It's just that...you go every year.

Humdinger: I am a public official. I must go! But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor.

Tracker: I didn't mean to upset you, master.

Humdinger: Tracker, can't you understand? When your heartless mother abandoned you as a child, anyone else would have drowned you. And this my thanks for taking you in and raising you as my son?

Tracker: I'm sorry, sir.

Humdinger: Oh, my dear Tracker, you don't know what it's like out there. I do...I do... THE WORLD IS CRUEL THE WORLD IS WICKED IT'S I ALONE WHOM YOU CAN TRUST IN THIS WHOLE CITY I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND I WHO KEEP YOU, TEACH YOU, FEED YOU, DRESS YOU I WHO LOOK UPON YOU WITHOUT FEAR HOW CAN I PROTECT YOU, BOY UNLESS YOU ALWAYS STAY IN HERE AWAY IN HERE? YOU ARE DEFORMED

Tracker: I AM DEFORMED

Humdinger: AND YOU ARE UGLY

Tracker: AND I AM UGLY

Humdinger: AND THESE ARE CRIMES FOR WHICH THE WORLD SHOWS LITTLE PITY
YOU DO NOT COMPREHEND

Tracker: YOU ARE MY ONE DEFENDER

Humdinger: OUT THERE, THEY'LL REVILE YOU AS A MONSTER

Tracker: I AM A MONSTER

Humdinger: OUT THERE, THEY WILL HATE WITH SCORN AND JEER

Tracker: ONLY A MONSTER

Humdinger: WHY INVITE THEIR CALUMNY AND CONSTERNATION?
STAY IN HERE, BE FAITHFUL TO ME

Tracker: I'M FAITHFUL

Humdinger: GRATEFUL TO ME

Tracker: I'M GRATEFUL

Humdinger: DO AS I SAY. OBEY, AND STAY IN HERE.

Tracker: I'LL STAY IN HERE.

(Humdinger goes to leave.)

Tracker: You are good to me, master. I'm sorry.

Humdinger: You are forgiven. But, remember, Tracker: this is your sanctuary.

Tracker: Sanctuary.

(Exit Humdinger.)

Tracker: SAFE BEHIND THESE WINDOWS AND THESE PARAPETS OF STONE GAZING AT THE PEOPLE DOWN BELOW ME ALL MY LIFE I WATCH THEM AS I HIDE UP HERE ALONE HUNGRY FOR THE HISTORIES THEY SHOW ME ALL MY LIFE I MEMORISE THEIR FACES KNOWING THEM AS THEY WILL NEVER KNOW ME ALL MY LIFE I WONDER HOW IT FEELS TO PASS A DAY NOT ABOVE THEM... BUT PART OF THEM... AND OUT THERE, LIVING IN THE SUN GIVE ME ONE DAY OUT THERE ALL I ASK IS ONE, TO HOLD FOREVER OUT THERE, WHERE THEY ALL LIVE UNAWARE WHAT I'D GIVE...WHAT I'D DARE JUST TO LIVE ONE DAY OUT THERE!

( after the cymbal crash, past Tracker into a street, )

Tracker: OUT THERE AMONG THE MILLERS AND THE WEAVERS AND THEIR WIVES THROUGH THE ROOFS AND GABLES I CAN SEE THEM EVERY DAY THEY SHOUT AND SCOLD AND GO ABOUT THEIR LIVES HEEDLESS OF THE GIFT IT IS TO BE THEM IF I WAS IN THEIR SKIN, I'D TREASURE EVERY INSTANT OUT THERE, STROLLING BY THE SEINE TASTE A MORNING OUT THERE LIKE ORDINARY MEN WHO FREELY WALK ABOUT THERE JUST ONE DAY AND THEN I SWEAR I'LL BE CONTENT, WITH MY SHARE WON'T RESENT, WON'T DESPAIR, OLD AND BENT, I WON'T CARE. I'LL HAVE SPENT ONE DAY OUT THERE!