The Hunchback of Adventure Bay

Festival Of Fools

(to ground level, and see Tracker climbing down the side of the lookout. He wanders into the crowd, as an oncoming group of people begin to sing.)

People: COME ONE! COME ALL!
LEAVE YOUR LOOMS AND MILKING STOOLS
COOP THE HENS AND PEN THE MULES!
COME ONE! COME ALL!
CLOSE THE CHURCHES AND THE SCHOOLS!
IT'S THE DAY FOR BREAKING RULES!
COME AND JOIN THE FEAST...OF...

Ryder: FOOLS! IT'S THE DAY THE DEVIL IN US GETS RELEASED IT'S THE DAY WE MOCK THE PRIG AND SHOCK THE PRIEST EVERYTHING IS TOPSY TURVY AT THE FEAST OF FOOLS!

(Tracker is working his way through the crowd, but he
can't escape Ryder, who seems to be singing to Tracker.)

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder: EVERYTHING IS UPSY-DAISY!

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder: EVERYONE IS ACTING CRAZY
DROSS IS GOLD AND WEEDS ARE A BOUQUET
THAT'S THE WAY ON TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(Tracker, having joined a chorus line of dancers, is shoved away, through a curtain and comes crashing into the dressing tent of Skye.)

Skye: Hey! Are you all right?

Tarcker: I didn't mean to...I'm sorry.

Skye: You're not hurt, are you? Here, here, let's see.

Tracer: No, no, no!

(Skye tries to pull the hood away from Tracker's face, and he is unsuccessful at stopping her. Callie, upon seeing Tracker's face, sneers. Skye, however, doesn't flinch.)

Skye: There. See, no harm done. Just try to be a little more careful.

Tarcker: I--I--I will.

(He starts to leave.)

Skye: By the way, great mask!

(As Tracker exits, we return to the celebration outside.)

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder & Crowd: BEAT THE DRUMS AND BLOW THE TRUMPETS!

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder & Crowd: JOIN THE BUMS AND THIEVES AND STRUMPETS
STREAMING IN FROM CHARTRES TO CALAIS

Ryder: SCURVY KNAVES ARE EXTRA SCURVY ON THE SIXTH OF "JANUERVY"

Ryder & Crowd: ALL BECAUSE IT'S TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(As Judge Humdinger, Chase, and the guards
enter the scene, Ryder jumps onstage to present Skye.)

Ryder: COME ONE! COME ALL!
HURRY, HURRY, HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
SEE THE MYSTERY AND ROMANCE
COME ONE! COME ALL!
SEE THE FINEST GIRL IN FRANCE
MAKE AN ENTRANCE TO ENTRANCE
DANCE LA SKYE...DANCE!

(On the last word, Ryder disappears in a puff of smoke, and Skye
appears in his place. She proceeds to perform a sultry dance.)

Humdinger: (To Chase) Look at that disgusting display.

Chase: (Enthusiastically) Yes, sir!

(She continues to dance. She pulls out a handkerchief and wraps it around Humdinger's head playfully, using it to pull him closer. She moves in to kiss him, but jumps away at the last moment. Humdinger yanks the handkerchief off his head.)

Ryder: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the piece de resistance! HERE IT IS, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! HERE IT IS, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S IN STORE! NOW'S THE TIME WE LAUGH UNTIL OUR SIDES GET SORE! NOW'S THE TIME WE CROWN THE KING OF FOOLS! You all remember last year's king!?!

(Last year's king, carried on the shoulders of the crowd, belches loudly)

Ryder: SO MAKE A FACE THAT'S HORRIBLE AND FRIGHTENING
MAKE A FACE AS GRUESOME AS A GARGOYLE'S WING

(Rubble is watching from far above)

Rubble: Hey!

Ryder: FOR THE FACE THAT'S UGLIEST WILL BE THE KING OF FOOLS! WHY?

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder: UGLY FOLKS, FORGET YOUR SHYNESS!

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Ryder: YOU COULD SOON BE CALLED YOUR HIGHNESS!

Crowd: PUT YOUR FOULEST FEATURES ON DISPLAY
BE THE KING OF TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(Ryder has been pulling contestants onto the stage. Skye pulls Tracker to the stage. Skye works her way down the line, ripping off masks and revealing the ugly faces underneath. The festivities continue until Skye reaches Tracker. She tries to pull Tracker's mask off, but soon realises that it's not a mask.)

Man 1: That's no mask!

Woman 1: It's his face!

Woman 2: He's hideous!

Man 2: It's the bell ringer from The Lookout!

(Tracker, realising that people are disgusted by him, is devastated. Humdinger realises that the only man left standing on stage is Tracker.