first love | wowkwan

08

A FEW WEEKS of relentless training had passed by; the boys were getting a step closer to debuting, although they still had no idea what day that would be. Regardless, they refused to think negatively about the situation, constantly supporting each other and protested towards the idea of letting anyone fall behind-that's what being a team began to mean to all five of them, as they spent an increasing amount of time with each other.

Although a few weeks had already passed by, Jason and Sehyoon's relationship continued to move at a steady and slow pace; practice didn't allow them to spend much time together - truthfully, it didn't allow any of them to have much leisurely time. With a possible debut around the corner daunting them, there was no time to completely focus on theirselves. But that didn't stop Jason from keeping in contact with his family even at his busiest moments, he was family orientated person after all, and despite the members being like family to him, they couldn't prevent him from missing his mother.

He excitedly made his way to his dorm room, eager to get on call with his mother, getting ready to enthusiastically speak into the mic.

Silence.

He was greeted by an unusual silence; filled by a tangible, sad mood that encapsulated the atmosphere.

"Mama? Hello?" He questioned in confusion, unaware of why his mother seemed so... off.

"B-byeongkwan... honey... I-I'm so sorry..." His mothers voice trailed solemnly, being interrupted by heart-wrenching sobs that soon escaped her mouth - Jason thought he'd never have to ever hear her like this in his life, "K-Kimchi is no longer..." as if to brace herself from delivering the news, she paused irregularly, "he's no longer with us."

That was the one sentence that seemed to shatter Jason's world into oblivion, all it took was reality to knock him down back from the happiness he was paving for himself. A moment ago, everything had been completely fine, but the sudden feeling of emptiness was rapidly approaching his heart. His precious dog, his Kimchi... was gone. The family dog of 12 years, and Jason's very own best friend had passed away - yet he couldn't even be there with him in his last moments, he couldn't hear his buddies last breaths or even whisper sweet words of comfort as he faded from the world. He couldn't do anything. He was stuck here. Away from home. Tears of hopelessness and despair threatened to spill, but he had to be strong for his mother on the phone. He couldn't put her through any more pain than she was already experiencing.

"I-I have go to now, mum. I'll call you later. I love you so much." He hastily replied, a pang of guilt hitting his heart at how emotionless he seemed; he didn't know how to respond, nor did he want her to hear the sobs that would let loose any minute, so he desperately hit the hanging up button with teary eyes.

He was alone.

He just wanted to be held. He wanted to hold Kimchi. He wanted to stroke his fingers through the soft, luscious fur of his beloved best friend; whom he had to leave behind in order to pursue his career. If only he hadn't began life as a trainee, he wondered if he could've made more memories with his dog, spent more time loving him-maybe he wouldn't be feeling so helpless and alone.

Loud sobs echoed in the dorm room, bouncing off the towering walls as his limp body laid on the floor, the darkness of the room engulfing him and everything in it. Every tear that had been unshed, was finally being shed. The tears from those countless months of frustration, the late nights he'd pull into practicing, the failures he'd face, the fear of not debuting and being away from his family for so long were all let out. He was sad. Lonely. Scared. And he couldn't tell anyone.