first love | wowkwan

11

It had been a week since Byeongkwan had stopped talking to Sehyoon. He couldn't stand to be in the same vicinity without wanting to tear up.

He kept thinking about the time they spent at the cabin, but it kept coming back to the moment Sehyoon suddenly became cold and closed-off, without an explanation.

Byeongkwan channeled all this frustrations and emotions into his dancing, using his practice time as a coping mechanism, and making up all the time he had missed every time he skipped out on practice to sneak away with Sehyoon. Although it was a good thing that he had caught up, he often forgot to take care of himself; forgetting to eat his meals and generally taking time out for self-care. But he was tired of crying, tired of being able to quote vines word by word, tired of having to wait in a really long line for mochi; he had to do something productive that didn't allow him to wallow in self-pity.

"Hyung... are you okay?" Chan asked in concern as he joined Byeongkwan in the dance studio shortly. "Have you even eaten?"

Byeongkwan didn't acknowledge Chan, drowning out everything in the background with music.

He closed his eyes, sharply breathing through his mouth, his throat parched from the lack of hydration. His limbs were sore; fatigue was slowly sneaking in, but the adrenaline kept him going.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the corner of the studio. He opened his eyes, sighing in frustration as he spoke, "Chan, I'm fine. I just need to practice harder." Shortly after, he realised Chan wasn't the one who had halted his practice, but rather someone he didn't want to ever see again.

"Stop it," Sehyoon looked at Byeongkwan with concern, the softness that had disappeared the last time they interacted reappearing in his very pupils. "It hurts."

Byeongkwan laughed bitterly, trying to reject the butterflies he seemed to have every time the two made contact. "What hurts? What could possibly hurt you, you asshole? Want another goddamn kiss or something? You have plenty of people lining up for that."

"You're right." Sehyoon sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But as a fellow group member, I'm advising you to stop overworking because it'll effect how you perform with us." It was like a sudden switch; one moment he cared and the next he didn't, which drove Byeongkwan over the edge.

"I advise you to never breath in the same vicinity as me and I'll perform exceptionally."

"I won't come near you again if you stop ruining yourself like this." Sehyoon tried his hardest to not break, he couldn't cradle him in his arms and take care of him anymore. "I'll even swap rooms with Jun."

"Whatever," Byeongkwan felt a painful pang in his heart, he couldn't switch off his feelings; he still liked Sehyoon, despite him giving not giving reasons to anymore.

Sehyoon pushed Byeongkwan against the wall, placing a hand above his shoulder as he intensely stared into his eyes. "Promise me, right now." He caressed Byeongkwan's cheeks with his other hand, running his thumb across the crevices of his face. "I even brought an energy drink and some mochi, cutie- Kwan."

Byeongkwan stopped breathing for a few seconds, a swarm of butterflies encapsulating his whole being, causing redness to arise to his cheeks. He felt speechless, hesitating in his tracks to remove Sehyoon's hand from his face. "I-I'm only doing this for the food. Not you."

Sehyoon pulled away, returning to his stoic demeanour. He nodded in acknowledgment, making his way towards where Chan was and began rehearsals.

Byeongkwan leaned against the wall, sliding slowly till he reached the ground. He buried his head into his lap, caressing the side of his head with each hand. Everything was such a mess. He still couldn't control how he acted towards Sehyoon. He wanted to know why Sehyoon had suddenly become a new person, but he was afraid of the answers.

.°• ੈ♡₊˚•.

Byeongkwan sat on the roof of the studio, exhaling the chilly winter air, water vapours condensing through his every breath. He slipped a piece of rolled up paper in and out of his mouth, after every puff of air, pretending to be a smoker. It was somewhat therapeutic.

"Hyung. We need to talk." Byeongkwan turned his head towards the direction of the speaker, his features softening at the sight of Chan.

"I guess we do, buddy."

Chan sat beside Byeongkwan, wrapping the blanket he had brought around the both of them comfortingly. "Tell me everything." Chan soothingly spoke, letting Byeongkwan lean his head on his shoulders.

"Sehyoon is such a dick. He kissed me as a challenge-I mean, how old even is that douche? I gave my first kiss away to someone who only wanted to play me," Byeongkwan frowned, disappointment arising within himself, "where are the genuine people in this world? I opened up to him and the very next day he acted like I was nothing to him. Yet he randomly comes and acts like he cares? What a goddamn mess."

Chan rubbed Byeongkwan's shoulder comfortingly, "a mess it is. But Kwannie, I saw you guys in the corner earlier today and it did look quite dramatic but when he came towards my direction, his eyes were so teary that I actually thought he'd cry. And I've never seen his express such emotions-he's usually smiling or acting grumpy. I'm not coming to his defence but I do think he cares."

Byeongkwan's tears starting rolling down his cheeks, he choked on his sobs as the wind stung his cheeks. "What do you think I should do?"

"Honestly? I think you should go out and eat and eat a meal that's gonna make you cry tears of happiness. Then maybe talk to him if you feel like it-and if he gets all asshole-ish and tries to avoid you, I have a roll duct-tape and some compromising locations."

Byeongkwan laughed softly, burying his head deeper into the crevice of his best friends shoulder. "I love you, man."

"I love you too." Chan warmly replied.

Byeongkwan hadn't felt so content in a while, as he stuffed some mochi in his mouth in the embrace of his best friend.

"By the way, don't think I'm not gonna tease you for that rolled up paper cigarette." Chan teased, pinching Byeongkwan's cheeks until they turned pink.

"Never mind, I hate you, you little pip-squeak! I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't mind knowing you still sleep with a nightlight."

"Ugh, just stick with eating more mochi." Chan exasperatedly replied, stuffing Byeongkwan's mouth for him.