Quietly Dec enters the hotel room he shares with his best friend. Blinking a few times before his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Hanging his coat right next to the one already hanging, his fingers rest on the raw material of Ant's jacket. Although that was no substitute to what he actually wanted to touch. He slowly turned around and dimly spotted the outline of the bed. For a moment he was surprised it was only one. It wasn't the first time they shared a bed, when they were pop stars it happened all the time. Sometimes they even shared a sleeping bag in some backstage areas. But back then he still felt comfortable in Ant's proximity. Didn't interpret that much into it.
Somehow it got complicated between the two of them. After that night even more. He knew that he hurt Ant, but he couldn't stop it. He just needed the distraction, had to come to terms with his feelings. The girls made him feel light-hearted but only until Ali came and informed him of Ant's leaving. Immediately he left the girls and followed his friend.
Ant's body-language said defence so he couldn't get to him. He let him leave and just made the crack between them even bigger. The last few days were dominated by silence, which never happened before. Dec knew it was his fault. That only because of him Ant was silent. Even the closeness after the show wasn't there anymore. A pat on the back had to be enough.
They found reasons that couldn't be farer from the truth, always went out on their own. Had Ai not booked the hotel rooms long before the tour, Dec would not be in this room tonight.
It hurt him to see Ant like this. Again his eyes wandered over to the bed and rested on his best friend. It was the first time in days that he saw Ant completely relaxed and that sight calmed him. It could be so easy. He only had to open his big mouth. But what then? What would happen then?
Dec sat down on the bed, his hand automatically reaching for his friend. How he would love to touch him right now. Feel that closeness he missed so much these last few days. His fingers hovered millimeters over Ant's cheek, not really daring to touch him yet. What if it wasn't what his best friend wanted? If all that was between them was just his imagination?
Dec pulled his hand back. Got out of his shoes and jeans. One more moment he hesitated, could he really sleep here, right beside Ant? His eyes wandered over to the armchair. Should he? He knocked that thought on the head and laid down on the bed, his head facing Ant.
How was it possible to be this close but yet so far? Again his hand wandered over to his friend's face. But this time he actually dared to caress the warm skin. Let his fingers wander over Ant's forehead, wiping his hair back. Swept across the nose before it came to rest on his cheek. It felt so right. Ant came closer and for a moment leant into the touch. Dec piped down for a moment, hoping he didn't wake him up. His friend seemed to sleep on though which made Dec relax again.
He got a bit closer to Ant and his heart nearly stopped when Ant moved again. He turned around, facing away from Declan, who felt disappointed already missing looking at Ant. He couldn't think about it for very long though as he felt a body snuggle up to him. He couldn't do anything but wrap his arms around his best friend's waist and pull him even closer.
All he wished for.
He resisted pressing a kiss onto Ant's head, was content with what he had right now. Even if it was in his sleep. Even if it happened unconsciously it was more than he expected.
Fingers reached for his hand, sending shivers down his spine. Interlacing themselves with his own, pulling his hand closer. Then he finally felt them, those soft and familiar lips. It was only a hint of a kiss on his back of the hand.
"I missed you so much." Ant's voice broke through the silence and made Dec intensify the squeeze of the hand. He knew he didn't have to response, that Ant understood him nevertheless. And Dec was grateful for it, the lump in his throat seemed unbeatable.
