feelings.

flashbacks .

so I saw this tweet today and I've never been so triggered. it literally took me back to the time where I was cyber bullied and the fact that it came from someone I considered a friend made it even worse. like the you deserved it part really got me. I'm just really hurt that she posted it and thoight it was okay and even thought that post was funny like what the fuck. like i really don't know what you thought Cyberbullying was for it to be funny but. like its one thing to bitch about a few random people saying they don't like you or calling you ugly. at that stuff I would say there's a way to look past it and move on, block them report the tweets. I'm just gonna kinda talk through what happened with me. so in 2015 I got on stan Twitter and it was fun and this one like Larry stan decided she didn't like me for nothing and it went on forever that she would harass me. like she never left me alone for almost 2 years and she called herself cintia and I will forever hate that name. it makes me feel sick. the stuff she put me through is ridiculous. I hate that name so much it has so much meaning to me and brings back so many memoeies. this girl legit tormented me for a big part of my life. 8th grade year was hard enough because I had family shit that happened and there's nothing fucking like getting cyberbullied to help a girl out. she would tell me the ugliest things and they hurt so much like even today when I look at them they hurt a lot. no one deserves to be told that stuff, there's literally no one I would ever wish that one yet I literally did nothing to this girl and she was telling me all this stuff. at one point she found my number and would try to bribe people into sending me hste. she would @ all my mutuals and put my number out on Twitter and told them that if they sent me hate she would give them dms to 1D and she wanted proof that people did so I was getting hate from my mutuals and her. it was fucking sick and I got so many of her accounts reported and deleted. she would hack my account and go on and send my mutuals hate and say shit that woukd get me attacked and hated by so many. she went through so many accounts on Twitter before they finally blocked her ip address. she would make fake accounts and pretend to be my friend so I would talk to her and tell her stuff about me and she would then go and post my public info and use everything I said against me. and after twitter then she found me on Insta and it was so fucking bad. like i don't know what I did to deserve what she said to me I still don't understand what I did to make her hate me so much. nothing I've ever done has been bad enough for that to happen and it hurts so much to know that someone hated me so much they literally would wish me dead. I don't think I deserved it back then I thought I did but now I really didn't deserve it and she ruined my life. she brought up the suicide and self harm in my life. she was so fucking ugly to me and I don't understand why. I think she's the reason I need so much validation because she made me feel like all my friends hated me. she used to Photoshop pictures of my friends from online and irl saying hateful stuff about me. I think Instagram was where she said the ugliest things. I have over 50 accounts that she's made still in my messages. I would deactivate and change my account and make a new @, pfp, pictures everything so she wouldn't be able to find me and she always managed to. she was legit crazy and I hate knowing that she hated me so much that she would put so much work and effort into making sure I know that people hate me. she made sure to tell me that she wanted me dead every fucking day. without fail she told me it every day. I would literally message her begging her to stop, like i would be done anything for her to stop and she would tell me the only way for me to get her to stop is to attempt or get one of my friends too. I think that's what hurts the mist about all of this. she hurt my friends too. she would send all my friends hate too because she know it hurt me. she would tell me the only way to get her to stop sending hate is for me to self harm. like what kind of fucking person tells someone that. she left such a bad memory eith me and I lost so many friends and was alone because they knew if they talked to me cintia would attack them too. she managed to find me on everything and would attack me on every fucking thing. I didn't know how to get rid of her other than to just delete everything and change my number. and for someone who was 13 and didn't have any irl friends that was a fucking hard thing to do and even when I tried leaving, she would just attack my friends so that when I came back they would be dead and she would blame it on me. she blamed the unhappiness of everyone on me. she said the reason this world is so fucked up and had problems is because I'm living in it. let me post some shit she said so we  can see how hurtful it is
TRIGGER WARNING