midnight mumbles • poetry

blackness

there's comfort in blackness.

in 3am, in your family asleep, in all the lights switched off.

in hiding in the shadows of the night and your mind. in the cold thickness of still air and dull starshine.

there's comfort in waiting for someone that's never coming back too.

an uncertain certainty. waiting by the phone for a call you know won't come.

hearing the buzz of a text and a rising elation before reality hits like a wave.

it's not them. why would it be? it's been a year. the sudden ring on the phone, the knock on the door, it will never be them.

and there's a sense of belonging in that hopelessness. the feeling of broken promises and ruined memories will always be there, will always hang on your back like a heavy coat.

it's poetic, how your insanity is the only thing keeping you sane nowadays.

thinking of every stolen kiss, or furtively shared secret, or pretty lie, it hurts in the best way possible.

it fills you in every pore and crevice. overflows out of your eyes and mouth in wracked sobs and you water down your bloodstream with cheap whisky because this pain, this senseless knife twisting again and again, it doesn't deserve to be drowned out with champagne.

there's comfort in the hatred bubbling through your veins and poisoning your heart.

not knowing who you hate more; them or yourself. did they leave you or did you drive them away? did they break you into the shards of glass littered across the tiled floor, or did you just break yourself?

sure, they left you, scraped you away like the mud on their shoe, but why wouldn't they? what did you ever give them other than a warm bed for the night and a one-sided devotion? you should have given them everything and more. you should have poured out your heart across the pavement at their feet. maybe then they'd have stayed.

there's comfort in losing everything.

but mostly, there's pain.

♧♣♧

this was originally in my oneshot book

not particularly poetry in the traditional sense

but its /poetic/ so whatever

enjoy