Remus Lupin and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chapter 10: Adjustment Period

Fully sated after the opening feast--truly, more full than he had been in probably years-- Remus managed to stroll accurately enough to get him to the right wing and floor for the staffroom. He had never, however, had occasion to actually find where it exactly was; unlike Prongs, who had apparently had quite the prank planned for 5th year in there that had been thwarted by McGonagall. There was a pause on his easy stride when he realized exactly how seamlessly the nickname had fit back into his thoughts. He gazed around the vast stone hall and smiled, a little sadly. It made it easy, this place, to recall what he had had here.

Someone was watching him. The uneasy prickle on the back of his neck would usually have put him on the defensive in the Muggle world, but his internal danger barometer was as low as it had ever been. Probably even less so than when he was a student, as he wasn't angling to pull some disruptive caper, now. He glanced around, casually, expecting some ghost or a portrait and locked eyes with a livid looking Severus Snape, standing at the head of the staircase behind Remus.

"Severus--" was startled out of him, but before he could even form a coherent thought, the man strode toward him and whipped out his wand. Remus' own hand spasmed toward his own in shock, but he stopped himself with an effort. He kept his hands empty at his side.

"I don't know what you're playing at, mutt, but I'm the one who is going to be making your monthly potions. If you so much as wander down the wrong corridor I might make an unfortunate mistake," Snape hissed through his teeth, not brandishing the wand but holding it hard at his side, as if he expected Remus to start hexing him.

He blinked, utterly bewildered. "Nice to see you too, Severus, hope you had a nice summer..."

Snape's pale face twisted further into a snarl. "You--"

Remus held up a placating hand, chastising himself for antagonizing him. Bad habits... "I apologize, but, honestly, Severus, I don't have any idea what you could be talking about. What potion? And what exactly would I be trying?" He tried to keep anything that could be construed as mocking out of his tone. Snape seemed to be in some kind of towering paranoia that Remus just could not parse.

Remus had never liked the man, even if he had felt sympathy and guilt toward the things James and Sirius had done to him. He hadn't deserved to be mistreated, but he had run with the crowd who had all developed into Death Eaters; those that favored pure blood and societal cleansing. Remus being who and what he was, they would never see eye to eye, but he trusted Dumbledore enough that he believed Snape to no longer be a Dark Wizard. He had no desire to be openly hostile toward him.

Snape scoffed and studied him a moment. His aggressiveness seemed to be melting into merely intense suspicion. "I know about you and I know about Black and I know about your "condition." I have made it clear to Dumbledore that you cannot be trusted and while he seems to think he can let you back in the castle, I am unconvinced. You've already shown yourself to be lacking in moral fiber. You're a danger to everyone in this castle. Which is why Dumbledore is practicing charity and having me make you the Wolfsbane Potion; it's not as if you could afford it otherwise," he added, nastily.

Remus' mind was whirling at the train of thought that Snape was dragging him through, trying to find his footing and trying to find his proper reaction. The accusations stung a bit, though not as much as they would from someone whose opinions he actually cared about, and he wondered at what tact he ought to take. Responsible, he sighed inwardly, undoubtedly. "Well...I can assure you I would never help a criminal harm children. If you know me and you know Si--Black, then you know how much he has also taken from me and...I would hope...you would leave room to grow as a person. Given your own story." As Snape's nostrils flared, he moved on. "And I wasn't told I would be able to utilize the Wolfsbane Potion that's..." he was honestly boggled at the thought. He had heard vague rumors of something like that being developed, as disconnected from the Wizarding world as he was, but never had ever entertained the thought of what it would be like, for he would never have the resources to try it. "Amazing, frankly. Thank you, Severus. I really...I really do regret how things were when we were at school. I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies. You and your opinion mean nothing to me--" Well, at least we're on the same page, the irritated James-voice quipped. "And nothing you could say would ever make up for the fact that you don't belong here and you never did. Monsters don't belong at Hogwarts. Keep your regrets," he sneered, "The only reason I'm tolerating you is because Dumbledore is on your side. For now."

"No wonder my ears are burning, I'm being discussed," came a pleasant voice from behind Severus, who turned whirled as Dumbledore serenely crested the stairs. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

"None." Snape glanced disdainfully at Remus. "Sir." He swept away, down the corridor.

The 2 of them watched him go, silently, until he was out of sight. "Everything alright, Remus?"

He took a breath. "Not an official complaint, mind, but I do believe he doesn't like me."

The joke surprised a chortle out of the Headmaster. "It may have been mentioned."

"We treated him like crap."

Dumbledore stayed thoughtfully silent.

"I had hoped that maybe we could be adults about this. I wanted to apologize."

Dumbledore sighed. "People use their experiences in different ways; some to learn, some to strengthen. Some to embitter and hold their wounds close to fester. Severus never seemed one too keen on personal introspection, and I rather think he likes being the victim in his story."

"But he was. At school."

He gave Remus a knowing look out of the corner of his eye as they still faced down the corridor Snape had gone down. "I do recall that he often gave back just as good as he got. And...childhood is difficult. The teenage years particularly, I have found, as we seem to have a never ending supply of case studies in our halls every year. It is the choice of those who are hurt how they will try to heal and in my estimation, Severus has not chosen to grow past this hurt, but rather grow around it and within it. It can be easier than trying to recognize your own shortcomings. Ah, but enough gossip!" He clapped his hands together and beamed, looking Remus up and down. "Staff meeting!"

Remus devoured this experience eagerly, being the first teacherly meeting he'd partaken in. They talked about the incident on the train and when he began to bring up his offended opinions, the look on Dumbledore's face cut him short; he knew. He agreed. He would make himself heard to those who needed to hear it. Remus was satisfied.

They shared about their summers and milestones, joys, and hardships they had come across since they had last been together. Snape stayed silent, arms and ankles crossed, shooting dark looks at Remus, which seemed to be standard as no one tried to engage him further. Hagrid and Professor Flitwick were quite chatty and he met a few other Professors he hadn't had much contact with as a student. McGonagall, Sprout, Sinestra, Pomfrey. most all of them welcomed him warmly into the fold, with only a few embarrassing 'I remember when you...' stories. Filch was taking a leaf from Snape's book and lurked cantankerously near the door, eying him suspiciously as if he were about to pull out a dungbomb and set it off right then. Remus tried to give him a reassuring smile, but the man just said, "Pah!"

As they concluded the meeting, McGonagall and Dumbledore rose to speak to him, both regarding him gravely. "I was extremely perturbed to hear that you were evicted, Lupin," McGonagall said reprovingly.

He had no idea what to say to that. Sorry? "Er..."

"Remus, you could have asked to stay--" Dumbledore began and then stopped himself, shook his head. "You're allowed to ask for help, my boy. You could have stayed here, if you were having these problems."

Remus just looked at him blankly. It had never even occurred to him to reach out; never occurred to him that anyone would care at all where he had stayed. And Dumbledore seemed to realize this. "Here, come," he said warmly, and held out a long, shepherding hand. "Let me show you to your rooms."

Rooms. Plural.

As they walked, Remus' ears heated when his heart plucked at the thing he so wanted to say, but almost feared looking at it directly. Lest it disappear. "I--I wanted to thank you, Professor. Snape told me about the Wolfsbane Potion and...frankly, I'm so honored that you would let me have this opportunity. You don't know what this means to me."

The bright blue eyes that turned on him were kind. "No, I don't think I ever could, fully. Which is why I wanted to do this. Just do your best, Remus. That's all anyone can ever ask."

"Done, sir."