[original] 'Til Death Do Us Part {Oumasai}

Chapter Twelve: A Familiar Place

*trigger warning: abuse & self harm

"I want to scream my lungs out, I want to not be alive in that moment. But I have to stay strong, for Kokichi. He would have done the same for me."

I glance around at a place all too familiar. I spent so much of my childhood here. Waiting for my dad to interrogate victims, waiting to go in for surgery, waiting to die. My parents never did care. They'd do as much damage as they wanted, they didn't care. The hospital would fix me anyways. It didn't matter. I didn't matter.

I felt a pain in my chest. I moved out when I was 16, I needed to get away from them. All of the trauma, all of the pain. I remember I was so happy. The best thing about living alone is that no one can stop you. That moment when you're holding a blade to your wrist, when you need a quick relief from all the pain. That's when you need to be alone the most, then no one can catch you.

I'm caught off guard by Kokichi's mom shaking me. "Shuichi, come on." "But I'm not f-" "You're his boyfriend, that's family enough. Kokichi needs you." She looks at me, weakness displayed in her glance. I can tell she's terrified, and who could blame her? So am I. Why did it have to be him? I deserve it so much more than he does.

I follow his parents into the hospital room, they have him hooked up to several machines. I feel tears well up in my eyes. It's all my fault, I don't know what caused this but I'm sure it was because of me. I just ruin his life, how can he love someone like me? It's not possible. He's so perfect, he helps me with everything. He never expects anything in return, he just keeps giving and never wants you to give anything in return.

I race out of the room, I know it's selfish but I can't take this. I can't see where I'm going, the tears have clouded my vision. But I've been here enough times to have the halls memorized. I find the bathroom and lock the door. I look in my pockets to find something sharp, anything at all. After momentary digging I find a pocket knife. It's supposed to be for protection but I need this.

I make one long cut along the length of my arm, watching the blood drip off of my arm onto the floor. I whimper in pain, it feels good in a way. I haven't done this in so long, he's always stopped me. But now he can't. I hear the door rattle and I begin to laugh, they think that will stop me?

"Useless" I yell aloud to myself. "Useless Useless Useless Useless" Useless is all I am, all I'll ever be. I splash some water on my face and pull my sleeve down. I fold up my knife and place it in my pocket, still dripping with the crimson liquid from my body. I unlock the door and walk out, walking right past his parents. I can't face them.

—
"You're too weak" Is all I hear. I've gotten used to the pain, I've broken enough bones to become numb to the pain. I don't even feel it anymore. They scream at me, I just listen peacefully. They'll finally kill me one day, I keep waiting for this magical day.

Then I'll finally be free
—

I rush into Kokichi's room, I know it's selfish of me but I'm beyond selfish at this point. I tune out the words of everyone around me, I just need him. He's all I need, all I can think about. All I need to survive. I can't go on without him, I just can't. I wrap my arms around him, crying. "I love you so much Kokichi, please.." I sniffle. "Don't die" I drop to my knees, scream crying. "I need you Kokichi! You can't die!"

I hear beeping come from one of the machines. "K-Kokichi..?" I become overflowing in fear. I am rushed out of the room, terrified. But I know one thing for sure, that beeping was not a good thing.