Never Again l.h.

''Never trust anyone, the devil was once an angel.''

- Unknown

My life was a series of being built up to just get broken down again. I had no self pity on myself, these were my choices and also my mistakes. I made the choice to depend on nobody but myself and that's how it would be. forever. My parents didn't even care that inside I was dying. I don't even try to be close with my parents anymore. Ever since I've gotten back from rehab it's like their ashamed to own me. their just my source of food and a place to stay, and I'm completely okay with that. My boyfriend died from an alcohol overdose which lead me into depression and drugs. I felt alone. But I've learned to live by myself.

The fresh smell of pasta came from downstairs and it was temping to go downstairs to a beautifully set table and loving family but i had to remind myself I didn't have any of these things, and that it was fine.

My stomach growled with hunger and it took every ounce of willpower I had left not to run downstairs and gulp down every piece of that pasta. The only thing I've eaten in days were my pills and an occasional glass of water to wash them down. I kind of hoped my mother walked through my bedroom door with at least a slice of toast and a glass of milk like she used to do when I was a child. Like she used to do before I became a drug addict. But I'm over that now and shes well aware of it.

Before I knew it there was a knock on my door, but not who I expected it to be. It was my older brother Jake who was the only person who gave a care in the world about me.

''El.'' he gulped. It was like everyone was scared of me these days, like I was dangerous.

''Hey.'' I sighed as Jake took a seat at the end of my bed handing me a banana and a glass of orange juice. I quickly murmured a thank you as he just sat staring at me. I know it was my brother but our family has fallen apart and I'm not comfortable with him right now.

''What?'' I spat at him. I was being a bit rude but I hated being stared at I felt like a freak. Jake slowly placed my hand in his and squeezed it tight.

''Your a good kid El.'' Jake was into poetry and my family suspected he was gay. They haven't sticking up for him when he came out, if anything they were pushing him away, just like I've been doing to everyone.

''Don't say that Jake, you know your lying to me and yourself, I had problems that are fixed on the outside, but on the inside there still killing me, and I don't need you pitying me, now get out.'' I spat as Jake released my hand closing his eyes.

There I go again pushing people away again as they're trying so hard to get back in. I wouldn't cry though, I was strong. I felt bad for my brother, he's been going through some hard times with his coming out and our family's problems but I wasn't going to let myself be sad for my brothers problems. It may seem selfish but it's the plain truth.

"Life can do terrible things." Terrible things by Mayday Parade blasted through my headphones as I lay down on my bed just trying to forget about what was going on. Music was the only thing I had these days, it's my escape.

The music stopped as I received a text message from the only person I've had a sensible conversation with in a while.

Calum:

Hey El, anyway I could come over for a bit, my parents are at it again.

I met Calum at a therapy class I attended a few months ago. He was going through depression from his abusive father and alcoholic mother.

I quickly answered saying yes and telling him to come through my window so that my parents wouldn't see.

A few minutes later Calum tapped on my window as he struggled to climb through. I sat there for a while amused by his struggling as I finally decided to help. I pulled Calum through the window as he fell to the floor out of breath.