Dwindle

chapter 6

After me and fey finally became close again, I had tried to get her to stop, and she did, at least that's what I thought.

I finally saw her smile again, we walked the hallways holding hands, laughing and trying to forget our troubles.

But it wasn't that easy.

We couldn't go back to the way things used to be, she wouldn't be the same, I had got her addicted, I tried to make things right, but I only put more pressure on her.

Its hard for me to say what happened one night, to take responsibility for what horrid mistakes I made, but one night...

We were sitting on her bed, she had her head in my lap, we were talking about everything and nothing at all, her parents were at a meeting with her teachers.

The conversation somehow drifted to who was our first kiss, if we wanted kids when we are older, and somehow the questions drifted more personal and we began to talk about how we lost our virginity, she said she was saving herself until marriage. At least that was the usual plan.

I had lost my virginity a year ago, she was still a virgin.

That's when I asked a very deep question

If she trusted me enough to take hers.

And she hesitated, before she nodded, saying I guess so, and at that moment I should have known how much I've messed her up.

But it happened.

I took her virginity that day, I felt no shame, but now, I can't even look at myself the same.

But not only did I make her break her vow for waiting until marriage, but I humiliated her.

The next day, at school, the guys were all talking about how they had one night stands and what there best one was, they asked me if I had any and I had been overwhelmed with the urge to be cool.

I remember Fey sitting beside me at that moment, at the lynch table where our relationship would crumble.

I told them that in fact I had recently had one, I said I did it with Fey and it was the worst time I've ever had in my life, they laughed at her, I said terrible things in front of her about her, and man, do I regret hurting such a beautiful girl.

I remember the flash of betrayal on her face before she ran away crying, and it turns out, even though she was nice to everyone, and always cheering everyone up, and being there for them, that it never mattered, because the moment she needed some one.

No one was there for her.

I remember her not coming to school for the rest of that week, and I knew I screwed up.

I felt bad, to the point where I would feel like I was going to throw up.

It was saturday.

I walked over to her door step, I knocked on her door.

Her dad answered.

He glared at me and told me I was never welcomed here again.

I suppose the reason she did give herself over to me was because I did pressure her a little.

I just loved her so much.

So why was I so stupid to hurt her.

I don't have an answer though.

I snuck through her window when I couldn't get past her parents.

She saw me and her eyes had widened.

She threw her book at me, her cheeks were stained with tears, she screamed at me, tears rolling down her cheeks, she sounded so broken.

"I thought you loved me! Your just another fuck boy, I thought you actually cared, Get out of my room!" she had screamed

And as I apologised and begged for forgiveness, which I didn't deserve, she said something that made me realize I had truly messed up, I had torn down such a beautiful happy girl, that I said I had loved.

"Its over Caleb, I never want to see you again"