Rants of a Salty Slytherin

Uhhhhhh lemme explain

Okay so I flew off the handle a bit, sorry. It's just that I have an aesthetic that I've had since 9th grade. Mostly black, some gray, lil bit of color. But like, sparingly. Also, Resting Bitch Face is a chronic disease that I happen to have contracted over the years. That in conjunction with me NotGivingAFuck, makes me look unapproachable. This is also why (I have found) I have literally two friends. Two. 2. Dos. In case you need it in Spanish.

So when someone asks me (after we've established our nerdiness) what's my Hogwarts house and I say Slytherin and they're like "ohhhhhhhh" I'm like "wHAT?"

"That makes so much sense."

"HoW?"

"Because you're like.." *bunch a fckin weird hand signals I have no idea what they mean* "you know?"

......... "NO BITCH I DONT KNOW EXPLAIN IT TO ME WHY DONT CHA?"

Then they give me some vague shit about me being gothic and like hostile lookin.

FiRST OF ALL. bitch. I'm not gothic. Lemme show you my face. And how I usually wear my makeup.

NO FILTER I STG

then they say I'm hostile.

??? DOES MY FACE LOOK HOSTILE?? Look at my face again and tell me I'm hostile.

What you think I'm hostile rn?? No no babes. I'm angry. Not hostile. It's different.

This one hoe I swear said "omg ya, you could totally be related to Voldemort."

UMMM????? WhAT?!?

Now I'm pissed. Bitch telling me I look kin to voldy-no-nose.

My physical appearance has NOTHING to do with my house placement.

I know this one hunny. She's a Hufflepuff. Tell me what you think of when you see that word. Go ahead I'll wait.

This is what I think of.

Sweet lil innocent cinnamon roll is what I think of.

Now who I'm actually talking about? She looks like this:

.
.
.
.
.
IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING. SHES GOTHIC AF AND LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD KILL YOU BUT SHES ACTUALLY THE NICEST HUNNY IVE EVER MET AND I LOVE HER. A N D  S H E S  A F U C K I N  H U F F L E P U F F.

So when people try to tell me I look Slytherin, I show them a picture of her and say "Hufflepuff".
(That's not actually her btw, I don't wanna post a pic of her and then she by some miracle finds this and is like tf bish y)

Next point: I'm not mean. I'm really not. I am nice. I am respectful. And I love dearly.

Now I'll go off on someone but only if they've earned it.

I've been shit on and bullied and abused for a good portion of my life. I hated feeling like that. I was pushed around and spat on and kicked while I was down. And I was miserable.

I don't want anyone to go through what I did.

You're having a bad day? Have a meme I found earlier I think you'd enjoy. Someone said something hurtful to you? I have a trick that'll jam their locker and trust me it sounds boring but it works and it makes them late for class and it's hilarious. Someone physically hurt you? Give me a name. No I mean it, give me their name. Seth? Oh fuck that guy. Hold this I'll be back.

It's done. Seth won't bother you anymore.

I'm honestly the best friend you could possibly have. You're welcome.

I'm a Slytherin because I'll right the wrongs committed against you. Because I'd fall on my sword for you. Because I love you.

So fuck yeah. I'm a Slytherin.