Key (BTS fanfiction)

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"Depression."

He spits out, a pack of my cigarettes in his hand and a thin trail of smoke wavering from the end of one, barely held between his thin fingers.  It's been one full month of me being the band manager, sleeping four hours a night, and constantly booking in more and more and more until I'm not the only one run ragged.  Now here, after getting back from another secret fight, I see Hoseok completely drunk, scarred, and one of my own addictions touching his lips as he takes a small drag, coughing at the fumes.

"It's a funny thing, everyone calls me sunshine."

I drop my bag with a clang, metal trophy inside clanking against the brass knuckles.  The trophy might get us a few dollars on eBay, and the bruises on my ribs might give me even less sleep than usual.  I snatch the roll out of his fingers, inhaling a long drag of tobacco and nicotine.  I'm already gonna die, why not speed it up?  My red lipstick leaves a ring on it when Hobi takes it out of my lips, trying and failing to take another drag without stifling a cough.  I can already hear Taehyung snarking at me for the nicotine stains on the ceiling. He passes it back and I stare at the whispy smoke curling it's way out the end.

"I always wanted to quit, you know."

I say, still holding the white cylinder between us.

"Anything you've ever wanted to quit Jung Hoseok?"

"It's J-Hope."

"Yeah sure, you want to bring hope but you yourself are hopeless."

"Shut up."

"You started it, depression?  You think you have that?"

I take another drag, the end lighting up as I inhale.  Hoseok glares at me before looking away, muttering something under his breath.  Thank god I'm calm enough right now to take the attitude.

"I actually am a "fag" Hoseok, I swing both ways.  I also have a drinking problem, I smoke, anger issues, and now Jungkook has a crush on me."

He scoffs, muttering an apology.  I blow smoke in his face.

"You have any habits you want to kick Jung Hoseok?"

I say, glancing at the beginning of scars littering his forearms.  I've never tried that one just yet.  He glances down too, hands trying to cover up the marks.

"You're being a selfish bastard you know that?  Fuck being depressed, you're screwing yourself over for no reason."

"You bi-"

"You used to be happy, right?  That's what everyone says before you got into this business.  When you first made it into the bad you were fucking golden and then this "depression" happened and you did this.  You think because you're on your way to having everything you get to act like a selfish bastard who doesn't have anything now that the world loves you."

I say, putting the lit end of my cigar on his arm for a split second.

"You fucking!-"

"Hurts doesn't it?  It fucking hurts to get burnt, so why the hell are you doing it to yourself."

"You smoke it's hurting you just the same!"

I take another long drag from the cigarette that burnt down to my finger tips, the smoldering end hot against my skin.

"I always wanted to quit, anything you wanted to quit Jung Hoseok?"

I say for the third time, the heat getting closer to my skin as it stutters out smoke, a desperate look on his face.  I'm not going to baby him, I can't have someone weak on my team.  I can't let him be weak when he gets stuck on his own someday with no one to pull him out of the dust.  I need him to be strong.  I need him to get his head screwed on straight again because he's far to close to being lost.

"There's a few things actually."

He says, and I grind the end of the cigarette onto the table, already missing the taste of fresh nicotine on my tongue.  I'm not completely heartless, I'm here to work with him.

"You get the pack, I get your blade."

He flinches, seemingly about to back out.  Then I'm handed a small silver pocket knife, his hand lingering for a few seconds before he drops it into my palm.  I hand him the pack of cigarets.

"Don't you cheat on me, we're in this together now Hope."

He nods, eyes watering. 

"Do you do hugs?"

He says and I roll my eyes, coming around to his side of the table and slinging my arm over his shoulders.  He allows my cold side hug to be enough, wiping his eyes and heading off to his room. 

"See your name in lights, Hope you're going to make it one day.  You're all going to make it."

"We're probably never going to make it big, you know that."

"You never know."

He give me a smile, a real one.

"Well, with you on our side who knows how far we'll get.  Goodnight Key...thank you."

I check on him three times that night, my mind busy as always as I scrawl lyrics and watch the sun rise, taking the lolly Suga gave me a few days ago in an effort to help me "quit killing myself" and cringing at the cherry taste.  I wonder if I can get this in mint flavor, anything but cherry.

She's such a badasssssssss

~Ro