Fleeting

Seven Years

Another one shot! YEAAAAHHH :) This is dedicated to Yi because she is awesome and this is a special request by her. I hope you like it my friend :D

Edited by enigmas_

© 2015 HushedSilence on Wattpad

*

I peek behind my book for what may have been the hundredth time and see their hands interlocked.

Then there's me, sitting here watching him with her as my heart gets stabbed more as each smile is shared.  As each hug is exchanged.

With whatever strength I had left, I walk away. A part of me wishes that something will go wrong with them, while the other part just asks what went wrong with us..

...

"Are you even listening to me?" I ask him desperately but his eyes and fingers are focused on his phone.

"Wait a sec. I'm messaging Becca." He would say every time with a smile on his face as if I was just a bother.

Maybe I was.

...

"They are just the cutest!" Everyone would gush.

"They must be so in love." I would hear the whispers, and I know they're true. I mean, their attraction towards each other is all laid out on the table, but why can't I just leave?

Maybe it's because I like him too.

...

Why did I ever think that you would even look at me the way I look at you? Why did I ever think that you would like me like how you like her?

Why did I even try?

Oh yeah, because I like you.

...

'I like you.' I message him when I finally find the courage. I would like to say that his reply made my smile grow but I guess that only happens in fairytales.

'I know.'

...

"Nate wants to say that he's sorry. Rebecca is sorry too." His friend said to me the other day. I am confused and question after question floods my mind.

Why are they apologizing to me?

Is it because of his terrible reply to my message? For ignoring me?

Or is it because he likes her and not me? Is that why she apologized?

Why are they doing this to me?

Is it because I feel for him? It's not my fault, it really isn't.

...

Snap. Snap. Snap.

'Why am I doing this?" I'd ask myself every time I take a picture of him, looking at him while I know that we will never be together.

My friends all say he isn't worthy of me, and I know it's true. I know I should go for someone who likes me and will treat me like I'm the best girl in the world.

But I like him, and he doesn't like me.

...

I'm over him. I finally realised that it would never go the way I planned, a happily ever after.

I'm not obsessed with him. Everyone probably thinks I am, but I just have a crush and sometimes a guy can make you do crazy things without you even realising.

But now I'm over him and I'm fine.

...

I'm not over him at all. I thought I was but he just needed to say one word or glance at me one more time like the way he does and now I'm putty in his hands again.

Why aren't I strong enough?

...

My friends made me stronger and I know that liking him is okay, even if he doesn't like me. A crush is normal and like a celebrity crush, it's hard to get over but it's not impossible.

I will get over it.

One day.

Somehow.

 ...

I see the fire capture the paper and dance together, turning them a dark coal. I grab more letters that he will never read, and throw them into the flames. My heart aches for each letter as they burn but I know the end result will be for the best.

I don't have to cry every single time I read the letters. I don't have to stare at the box on my table wondering why they're even there. I don't have to look at him with her and ask myself where I went wrong.

Now, I can proudly say that those seven years did not go to waste. Those seven years made me who I am and those seven years made me understand that sometimes things don't work out how you want them to.

And that's completely okay. I'm completely okay.

I burn the last of the papers, leaving one behind. That little piece of paper may have caused a lot of tears and pain, but it made me realise that I have something I'm actually good at.

Writing and poetry is how I can express my feelings. I can write about anything I want, it could be sad or happy. I write what I feel and it makes me happy.

And now I'm glad to say that I'm free from him. Free from the 'love' that I had for him. Free from the doubt of myself.

Free from those seven years.